Invictus

Below is my favorite poem, ever. I like poetry that rhymes, I like poetry that makes me feel something, and I like poetry that can make an impact on my life. This poem does all of that. Invictus is a poem that I have revisted many times over the years, and it maintains its #1 spot. It reminds me that at the end of it all, I am the only one responsible for myself. Ultimately, I cannot blame anyone for my failures and I cannot expect someone else to bring me what I want or need. This poem also reminds me that it is never over until it is over; no matter how bleak my situation appears to be, there is always hope. Please enjoy an oldie but a goodie; Invictus by William Ernest Henley:

Out of the night that covers me,

Back as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the Bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

A Strange Pet

Terri has a story of an out-of-the-ordinary pet on her blog. This reminded me of a picture I took a long time ago. I once was looking for a secret surf spot I had heard about on Oahu's north shore. I was stumbling and sneaking through back yards when I came across the following sight:

This pig (or boar?) was chained to a post, and it had a bowl of water to keep its lips kiss-ably moist. I have never seen a pig chained up in a small, residential backyard before or since. Also, I have never see a big, black, hairy pig before. Therefore, I snapped a photo.

I wish I knew more about this story. Was he being fattened for a Samoan holiday, or is he some little boy's best friend? What do you name a pig like this?

Segregated Parking

First of all, I want to state clearly that I am not criticizing any specific religious ideas, theologies, or philosophies today. I may be pointing out an underlying problem in human nature, but I leave most of the conclusions to you. I am simply posting another picture that I found somewhat sad and somewhat funny at the same time.

I am essentially a Christian. I do not currently believe that the bible is infallible and I do not regularly attend church. I do believe in God, and my concept of God is heavily influenced by a life spent in various churches. My ethics are essentially Christian-Judeo ethics; I try to adhere to the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule. I am not opposed to religion in any form, and of all the world's religions and ethical systems I tend to favor Christianity.

There was a time when I had more faith; I attended church, I sang out loud at church, I witnessed, I lead bible studies, I was called a "Jesus Freak" by some small-minded simpletons. I was encouraged to become a preacher and I seriously considered it. What happened? That is a long series of posts that I intend to write one day.

Until then, understand that I do not hold ill feelings towards church-goers, even when they make the following signs:

This is a sign that greeted people as they entered the parking lot shared between the Methodist and Baptist churches in Kailua, Hawaii. Here we were, living in paradise on earth and preparing for eternal paradise, yet we felt the need to segregate the parking. Or, to be more accurate, a few small-minded simpletons felt the need. Most of us could care less who parked where. Perhaps Albert Camus was right, and life is simply absurd. This sign sure is.

Onomatopoeia and No Photography

I have two things to say today, and neither of them are related in any way except that they are in my head at this time.

The first is a word: Onomatopoeia. I do not know why I love that word, but I do. It is tied in my thoughts to the concepts of alliteration and Iambic pentameter. I must have learned them all in one day while studying Shakespeare's sonnets, but I have no recollection. In a nutshell, the word "boom" is an example of onomatopoeia because its pronunciation matches the sound it describes. Here is one of many lists of words that use onomatopoeia.

The second unrelated tangent is a picture. While stationed on Camp Hansen in Okinawa, Japan, I took the photo below. There is a brig (prison) for bad Marines and Sailors on Camp Hansen. By taking photos of the brig, you could assist the planning of a security breach, either blatantly or a inadvertently. I understand why "No Photography" is necessary.

Even so, the thought of taking a picture of a sign that says "No Photography" struck me as funny. Again, I can not explain the things in my head, I can merely report them as I find them. For whatever it is worth, here is a picture that made me chuckle (while risking my career and freedom), without any details that can risk the security of the Brig itself:

Leitmotif and Emerson

I do not have time to write a real post right now, and I could not do better than Mr. Emerson at any rate (even if I have a less-unfortunate middle name), so I will simply post a good quote today:

"Is it so bad to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Will you allow me to share a rare and interesting English word with you as well? Let today's word of the day be:

Leitmotif (n) 1. A short, recurring musical phrase. 2. A dominant theme or underlying pattern.

I hope your day is everything you created it to be.

A New Blog

Now that I am finished with my Undergraduate studies, I have four areas of focus:

1. The family, as always.
2. My Self: to improve my health and wealth.
3. Organization of work and home: this consumes as much time as possible until it is attained because it touches every aspect of my life.
4. Cisco Certified Network Associate; the coveted CCNA. This is a certification in my field that will improve my current and future employability/promotability. It has been a goal for seven years; I have attempted it twice. I will pass it this year, preferably by the end of September 2007.

The CCNA is a "must-have" if I wish to remain in my industry. It should have been attained a long time ago; I should be pursuing higher certifications now; this lack of certification has cost me jobs, promotions, and who knows what else; this certification will have a profound effect on my future.

Organizing my life is my primary focus. Everything else is sacrificed until I have attained my organization goals. However, I have a secondary focus for borrowed and free time: my CCNA. Soon, organization will consume less time and I can focus all my resources on the CCNA.

If I can finish my degree, my CCNA, and get a handle on my organization in 2007, what can I accomplish in 2008? I will need to learn to dream bigger, I think.

In order to focus on my CCNA, I am taking a class at the local community college. I do not think it will be enough to pass the exam, though. I need a deeper method of study. I have many options available to me, including books, software, websites, tutors, and lab practice. I think that by developing a networking blog I will create my own valuable resource, in addition to my other study methods. I learn more when I write, and when I try to teach my knowledge to other people.

Therefore, today I have created a networking blog: http://slobonetworks.blogspot.com/ If this blog you are currently reading ever hits a dry spell in the near future, it is probably because I am focusing on that blog. Perceptions of Reality will always be my first love and my primary blog. I will always return to this blog because it serves such a useful purpose in my life. In addition, I can never keep quiet when it comes to society and current events. However, it may have to take a backseat occasionally as I focus like a laser on my CCNA.

I leave today's post with a great quote from a great author:

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's yourself." -Aldous Huxley

An Organized Van

I am almost finished organizing my van. I have kept it clean and in order for several weeks now, and I think I can do so indefinitely thanks to some new, easy systems and Adderall.

I spend more time in my van than almost anywhere else due to my job. Therefore, keeping clean and organized not only makes me more effective and efficient, it makes me feel better to ride in a van, rather than a rat's nest.

Here is the "before" shot of the passenger side, which has been the normal state of my van for the last 4.5 years that I have held this job:

I added a trash can with a bag that I empty often--it is easy to do and makes the van so much better to look at. The trash can alone is a tremendous difference-maker. However, I am also making sure to empty my van of boxes and parts that I do not need to keep in there on a daily basis if possible. One thing I never do anymore is to throw something in just to get it out of my hand and out of my mind. I think about what it is and place it in a logical place to be dealt with one more time when I get back to my office.

This is how my van has looked for almost a month:

Where the trash can is now, last month there was a basket in its place. This is a Dodge Caravan, and Dodge includes this webbing to place between the seats as a basket to hold items in place. I would fill it with parts, tools, papers, pens, gum, cd's, books, and anything else that I no longer wanted to hold in my hand. I think Jimmy Hoffa was at the bottom of the pile. The "catch-all" is not a good idea in my van, and it is gone.

As I said, I have had this job for 4.5 years. The box below has been in my van the entire time; I inherited it from the last engineer. It has always looked like this:

When I put the lid on it, it is not so bad to look at, stacked with several other containers. However, if I need a part that would be kept in this box, I have a lot of digging to do. Oftentimes, it takes two or three passes to find a tiny and rarely used part in this box. It never occurred to me to organize this box any differently. Before Adderall, my brain was probably incapable of viewing this situation differently. However, yesterday I had the bright idea of making it look like this:

You may say, "Duh." I say, "Wow." It was an "Ah-ha!" moment for me, and I am really excited to try it out in the field.

This new system will keep the parts from being damaged in storage, it will look better, make it easier to find what I need, and help me keep a more accurate inventory.

I had no idea that containers and labels could make me feel better than drugs, sex, or cheesecake.

The Police are Out of Order

I saw the sign below while driving from Bloomington, IL to my home near Kansas City. It is at a rest stop on I-55 somewhere in southern Illinois. There are actually two of these in the exact same condition. Usually, there would be a phone or a panic button. I have seen them before in parking lots, and they strike me as a great idea--if there are operational.

In theory, if you had an emergency you could run up to this pole to call for help. That would signal the nearest law enforcement officer, as well as set off a flashing light that may scare off potentially threatening people.

I can just imagine someone being chased and running for this pole hoping to be saved by it. When they get there, they find out that they are out of hope.

It is 2007. We have the technology to implement this idea and fix it if it breaks. If Illinois can go to the expense of making a proper "Out Of Order" sign and mounting it securely on the pole, why can't they just fix it? Or, if there is another solution on the premises that I did not notice, why not remove this one? Another good idea gone bad.

A Good Idea Gone Bad

My company has a lot of bad ideas. I suppose almost every company has bad ideas and I tend to notice my company's stinkers because they affect me directly. However, I have worked for several companies, as well as the federal government (!) and haven't noticed the quality and quantity of bad ideas that affect me today. If you saw the size of the cell phone that my company expects me to carry, or the convoluted and unnecessary processes that I have to follow daily, you might actually shed a real tear for me.

Don't get me wrong, it is a good company overall and a great job, it is just in a slump of confused management right now. The people who lead me have not been in a classroom for a long time, nor do they read current business literature. They will soon move on, whether by choice or by force. I am grateful for the opportunities I have at this company, but I will be more grateful when better leadership arrives. In time, that leadership will be me: I hope I do not forget the lessons I learn today as I look at good ideas gone bad.

The pictures below are just one of many ideas that my company has that start with a good idea, but wind up with a horrible idea at implementation. These are three of the four doors that the employees can use to enter and exit the building:

Here is how it works: If you are outside, you scan a security badge. The outside door opens and you enter the isolation chamber. When the door behind you closes, the glass doors open. They will not open until the door closes behind you, and that door is on a heavy, hydraulic closer, so you can't quickly slam it shut. In fact, you cannot be in a hurry at all with these doors. They sense your urgency and move slower, I swear it. If you are leaving, you push a button. The glass doors open slowly and you step in. They close behind you, and only then can you open the next door. Again, patience is required.

The purpose of the isolation chamber is to make sure that only one person goes through the door at a time. My company handles sensitive data, and they want to make sure that everyone in the building is authorized. To be clear: we are not talking about national security, we are talking about social security numbers and bank account numbers. If it was national security, they would post guards at the entrances. For personal identities, they want a cheaper solution.

As you can imagine, this creates a bottle-neck when you are trying to get in or out. If you are trying to leave at 8am or 1pm, as everyone else is coming in, you might as well get comfy. Also, don't try to leave through the door to the smoker's porch, ever: it is a pretty busy door.

Which leads me to the next point. Each person spends about 20-30 seconds in the closed isolation chamber. That leaves plenty of time to leave your personal scent behind and enjoy the last person's. I am a little sensitive about scents, and there are a lot of them in my company. There are some scent-neutral people, and a few ladies who smell heavenly. On the other hand, there are the smokers, who stink. I used to be a smoker, so that is why it is so repulsive to me. There are also occasions of bad hygiene, cologne that expired in 1977, garlic and onions, and flatulence. Luckily, one of those doors is shared by only 5 people and used rarely.

The door for the engineers in our shop is less odoriferous and experiences fewer bottle-necks. However, it is the least-useful of all the doors. We engineers are often carrying arm-loads or cart-fulls of electronics. There is a way to use a key to lock the doors open for this purpose; of course, we have not received the key after 2 months of using this door. We have to hold the glass back while we drag the cart in; therefore, the door can be violated easily and serves no useful purpose.

What if there were an emergency, you ask? Supposedly, if the alarms sound, the doors automatically lock in the open position. However, if there is no alarm, it is business as usual. Therefore, if someone starts shooting or a chemical is released (accidentally or purposefully), you will have to wait your turn to exit. If there is an electrical fire, structural collapse, or severe storm, which knocks out power before the doors are opened, you will have to make your way to the nearest breakable window. The Facilites Manager looked very concerned and sincere when he told me, "We are working on that."

I wonder if anyone in my company is truly claustrophobic, and how they feel about these doors... I doubt anyone in management wonders about such things.

If your personal information resides within my company, you will be pleased to know that it is being safeguarded as best as we can. However, we may have to sacrifice a few employees in the process. I may have to take a bullet for your SSN one day. Any company that thinks these doors are a good idea is bound to push at least one gun-nut to snap and shoot up an office. God forbid, of course.

My Favorite Professor

Below is a letter I sent today to my favorite professor, as well as to her boss and program director. I have been to four local college and I can say that Baker has better-than-average instructors. However, Professor Wakefield takes the cake.

When something is really wrong, I find that I cannot keep quiet. Therefore, I think that when something is really right I should make sure to also point that out.

As a society, we tend to think that because teachers are paid something, we can take their efforts for granted. However, there are few jobs in this society that work so hard and have such a dynamic effect on our lives. All teachers everywhere deserve more thanks than they have received. I am starting with Professor Janet Wakefield:

Dear Janet,

Now that I am completely done with my undergraduate studies at Baker, I want to make sure that I write you and tell you how much I appreciate you as an instructor. I can honestly say that I received more from your two classes than I did from any other 10 classes or any other 10 instructors--and that is not an exaggeration. I believe that I will retain more from your Global Business and Cross-Cultural Risk Analysis classes than I will from any other classes due to the subjects that we focused on, the methods we used, and the direction we received.

I really like the fact that the final project in the class is large, but that we are building it in each module. I am really proud of the projects I completed for these two classes, and they remind me of how much I learned-- and how much I enjoyed learning it. It helps that the subject matter is interesting to me, but it also helps that the instructor has spent time planning to ensure that the subjects are interesting and digestible. By the time I assembled these projects, I had no idea how much I had already written, consumed, and digested. I have kept a hard copy of each of these projects because they are that important to me.

I also like the way that you get discussions started, keep them going, and switch gears as needed. I have been in other classes where discussions were a method of regurgitating what was in the book, or were a string of one sentence statements that did not really synthesize the information. In your classes, even people who would usually make incomplete statements seemed inspired to think about the topic and make some analysis. We regularly hit all five levels of Bloom's Taxonomy, I think. We could probably publish a decent journal article or create a workbook based on the discussions in your classes. For myself, I really felt the need to think about information from a new perspective, and to correlate information from several sources that I would not normally have considered.

I also gained a lot by considering the experiences of you and the other students. By encouraging us to add our own eyes and thoughts to the material, to share our experiences, and by doing so yourself as a great example, gives the subject added dimension. Making the information interesting and useful is great. However, making it personal is the best way, I think, to make it memorable.

On a personal note, you made a statement in our first class together that has stuck with me, and will probably affect the rest of my life--for the better. You made a comment on a paper I wrote that said that my work was graduate-level work and that I should consider graduate school. Up until that point, I had thought "maybe" about graduate school, but had not given it much positive thought. After that comment, I considered my interests and abilities, as well as all the feedback I had received from you and other instructors, and realized that I could and should pursue a graduate degree. I haven't made a final decision on a school or degree, but I have made the final decision to pursue a Masters program in 2008. Without your timely, sincere, and encouraging comment, I am not sure I would have had the confidence and motivation to take this step. It really helped me make a huge paradigm shift, just as I needed it.

No other instructor has impacted my studying, thinking, writing, interests, and paradigms as much as you have, after four colleges over ten years. Thank you for working hard and caring deeply for your students; it has made a tremendous difference in my life.

I have copied Amber and Terri on this email because I wanted to deepen your blush. I am sure that one of them can make sure that this ends up in front of the right eyes. I would like the powers-that-be at Baker SPGS to know that there is at least one instructor who goes above and beyond and makes a big difference.

Thank you again,

Larry Slobodzian

Feeling Rushed

I barely have time to make an entry on my blog. Even so, I think I should add a few more electrons here. Also, I am not "feeling" inspired; in fact, I feel rushed.

Last Friday, I had to wrap up my last two projects for my very last course at Baker University. I also had to pack for myself and my son, as we were heading to Chicago for the weekend. Four-year-olds are hard to pack for; the clothes part is easy, but the entertainment part requires extensive knowledge, intricate strategy, and psychic ability. Luckily, my son is mostly happy if he keeps moving and we planned on moving constantly through the weekend.

Saturday, I had to get to Chicago. I had to share the car with my mother, which has been difficult in the past. To be fair, I am sure it has been less easy to share a planet with me, never mind sharing a car. My mother and I get along MUCH better today than in the past, and I can honestly say that this weekend was fantastic because I spent time with mom, regardless of where we went and what we did. Even though I enjoyed the company and the journey, I felt rushed all day Saturday to arrive.

Sunday, we had to go pack up and check out of the hotel early, and then make it to church for a christening. After that, we had to go to a party at a relative's house. We needed to get on the road by 3-ish because we had to get to the next hotel in Bloomington, IL (home of Colonel Henry Blake). I had to be on the Internet by 7:00 PM for a fantasy football draft (for which I was not prepared). That makes Sunday a day to rush through and accomplish, not to relax and enjoy.

By the way, I also had to keep up with my son all weekend. That alone will make you feel rushed. Keeping him fed, entertained, and safe is the equivalent of 4 full-time jobs. Keeping him clean and presentable is a losing battle. Keeping my wits and sanity is not an option.

On Monday, we had to get back to KC. I was starting a new class at 6pm. I had also agreed to help a co-worker with a night-time job at a business that was on the other side of town. The trip from Illinois took six hours or so. I was able to unpack and unwind a little, then I was off to class. I was in class long enough to pick up the syllabus and apologize to the instructor for being late and leaving early--great first impression. Then I headed to Independence, MO, and spent an hour there. By the time I got home, I was high on adrenaline and a little loopy.

Today, I had a full plate at work, but it went well. I have to finish two assignments tonight before class tomorrow night (my class is M W 6-8pm). I also promised myself a little exercise and some time with my daughter, who missed the trip due to school and felt left out.

Tomorrow, I head for Manhattan, KS. I also have a detailed project in Olathe to complete. And I have class at 6. I feel rushed. I am getting everything done, but I am definitely stretching thin. However, I know from experience that if I had just relaxed this week after completing my Baker courses last week, I would now be in a funk, feeling lost and unproductive.

I am looking forward to Thursday, when I should be able to be a vegetable and catch up on some reading. I have been dying to read something that has nothing to do with work or school. I have two months worth of National Geographic to catch up on. I am 100 pages into a novel that is interesting, but I never have time. Last week, I felt the need to check out "Eats, Shoots & Leaves" from the library. The first chapter is hilarious and informative, and I cannot wait to be able to read it uninterrupted someday.

This weekend, I have nothing planned. No goals, no deadlines, no appointments, no reservations. I can do anything I want; the world is my oyster. I will probably get nothing done and feel terrible about it. That will lead me to overbook in the future to prevent the "wasted" weekend.

I wonder if I can take a class in relaxing and setting realistic expectations? Maybe they make a pill for that? Will I feel like I accomplished something after my first heart-attack?

Mt. Iwate and Faith

I just have a few minutes to freshen up the blog. Therefore, I will quickly post two photos. I once had something to say about these photos, and that is why I kept them and kept thinking about them. Today, they inspire reflection in my self more than anything; I will let you draw your own meaning from them, if any.

In 1995, while in the Marine Corps, my battalion traveled to northern Honshu, Japan, to train with a Japanese unit. We lived in tents for a month training our brains out and freezing our --- off. We were based out of Hawaii, and coming from Okinawa. We were accustomed to tropics. Here, in northern Japan, we had snow. It was miserable and edifying simultaneously. Perhaps the most succinct way of describing an experience like this would be to say, "It was memorable."

We were told that we would be at the base of Mt. Iwate. When we got to base camp, all we saw was snow and fog. Our hosts would point to the north and assure us that there was a huge mountain in that direction, but all we saw was:

When you are cold, tired, and drinking sake every night, you may be like us and tend to doubt the existence of a mountain. We wondered if this was a practical joke, or part of a conspiracy. After several days, the fog lifted. We were able to see Mt. Iwate:

I took these pictures thinking, at that time, that they made a statement about faith. I was a religious kind of guy back then, and I thought that this demonstrated how you can use reliable documents and the testimony of experienced people to guide your faith even if your observations contradict them.

I find very few reliable documents nowadays. I find even less reliable people, even among those whom I root for. Therefore, if I had a metaphorical document and a metaphorical person insisting that I put my faith in something unseen, I would insist upon waiting until the metaphorical fog lifted. Today, I would rather risk being a doubter or insisting that we walk up the side of the mountain with an altimeter and a GPS.

I am not saying that faith is necessarily bad. Faith has led to some great acts of charity and sacrifice. Faith has led to some horrific atrocities.

It is impossible not to have faith. I have faith that my spouse will be faithful to me when she leaves the house, and that she will not sell the kids and wipe out the checking account. I have faith that the drivers in the oncoming lanes are not going to veer into my lane in a horrible cigarette/makeup/shaving/radio/cellphone incident. I have faith that the food I eat and feed to my family (including the two dogs) is not full of lead, mercury, ammonia, cyanide, anthrax, mad cow disease, or whatever. I have faith that the sun will rise tomorrow.

I have faith in those things because I have to. If I lived in constant fear of traffic and food, I would be a mental case and take my family along with me. There are a lot of stories about spouses, drivers, and food incidents that challenge my faith. Even so, I cling to that faith because I cannot face the alternative: a life without faith in the daily fundamentals would be a life of low quality, low quantity, and plentiful amounts of loneliness and fear.

Which leads me to wonder if that is why other people cling to their faiths even though it appears to me that they are illogical, irrational, and sometimes deluded. Could it be that some people cling to outdated, corrupt, mythological, ignorant, or illogical belief systems not because they really believe that the system is true, but because their subconscious cannot face the alternative: a life without a system of faith?

The Parenting Difference

I began to reflect on something Sunday at a sort-of family reunion, which included cousins and other relatives I do not see often, and do not keep in touch with very well. I have two cousins who were born in the same year that I was. All three of us are products of the Illinois public school system; though we were in different buildings, surrounded by different peers, and instructed by different teachers, our school experience was quite similar in quality, standards, structure, and environment. In other words, none of the three of us attended an inner-city or wealthy-and-privileged school district.

Cousin # 1 (C1) was born premature and has some minor genetic and developmental issues. He is able to function in society, care for himself, drive, and whatever else a "normal" adult would need to do. He certainly isn't stupid, but he does have "issues" that slow him down and are probably leading him down a dead-end path. He barely graduated from high-school, and he required a "special" program to get his diploma. He has a son, but not a wife. He shares custody with a young mother who also has "issues", depends on welfare, and who knows what else can be said about her.

C1 is a fairly nice guy. He is as good of a father as he is capable. He is as honest as the next person. He has fun, he works a job, he will help when asked. I would say his character is of average ethical makeup.

C1 has a habit of poor decisions. He has lost promotions and jobs. He has a son with a woman he does not like. He is not welcome in some relative's homes anymore for various reasons. He tends to waste money that he does not have, and his lifestyle has cost other people money. He has no plans to ever acquire a degree or skill that would improve his employment prospects and increase his satisfaction. He often scoffs at ambition, but that may be his way of facing something he cannot obtain.

Cousin #2 (C2) is currently unemployed. He was laid-off due to slowness in his industry, but there may have been other factors that include his performance. He has had trouble with substance abuse. He experiences debilitating depression and has been a suicide risk in the past. He has caused a lot of grief for a mother who already has enough grief in her life.

C2 also is of average character. He is a nice guy, and people generally like him. He has a sense of humor, is intelligent, and has moments of caring and sensitivity. He spent 3 years in college and has a valuable skill (Computer-Aided Drafting-CAD) that is usually in demand. He has some aspiration and standards, and it appears to most of us that he really would like to be a responsible, reliable, and self-actualized person. However, he can never maintain the consistency of discipline, energy, interest, etc...

To sum up the cousins: we have all three had our struggles, and failed to live up to any ideal, much less our potential. We are good guys generally, but we could be and do better. None of us are criminals, devil-worshipers, or tele-marketers. However, we have caused problems for ourselves, and made our lives more difficult than they needed to be. We have missed or passed on opportunities, or dropped out of programs that would have benefited us.

I hate to judge people; I hate to toot my own horn; I am risking a few paragraphs of sounding uppity and boastful here. As a father, however, this situation is important to me because I will do anything to avoid these three scenarios for my own kids, if it is up to me. As an examiner of my own life, I can say that I am the most successful of the three thus far. Can I make sure that my two kids exceed my experience, based on what I know of the three cousins?

I have a college degree, with several marketable skills. In addition, my Marine Corps experience is a plus for most employers. I have a solid marriage, a 10-year career, property, assets, and savings. Compared to many people whom I look up to, I am an underachiever based on what "could have been". However, compared to my cousins, I am the ideal; I am living the American dream. I have done well for myself and been lucky. How much was luck and how much was influenced by my parents (and others, including my beautiful wife) and myself?

C1 has demonstrated a stronger character than I have numerous times, so I tend to disbelieve that my character is the deciding factor. C2 is probably smarter than me, especially in mathematics and other detail-oriented fields. However, I have had one thing that neither of the other cousins had: a home with two stable parents.

All three of us have been exposed to alcoholism. However, my experience was VERY mild. C1 and C2 had stepfathers who were criminally abusive to their biological mothers and to them. C2 never saw his biological father; C1 had limited access to a father of limited capabilities.

I had a biological father who was home almost every night. I never knew him to hit my mother, but I often saw them kiss. I played catch and went fishing with my dad. If I did something truly wrong, I could count on my dad to explain what it was and how to do better next time in addition to discipline.

My upbringing was not "Leave it to Beaver". I have some emotional scars, I had some negative influences, and I did not get all the love and support I expected while growing up. I think my parents had more issues than many of my friend's parents. I think that some of my problems were caused by or handed down from my family. It may have been a cake-walk compared to my cousins, but I was not always satisfied with my home life while growing up, and I am trying hard as a parent to avoid many of the things that hurt me growing up. (Having said that, I now want to say that overall, I had good parents who loved and supported me, and I am grateful to them for what I have.)

C1 and C2 did not not see a lot of love. Their mothers had more issues than most due to the situation, which made their mothering less effective. The cousins did not have a safety net. They did not have an example of how to be a respectable man. They had less education in the "soft skills" of being a man. They had less support, less peace, and less guidance. There was at least one less person in their cheering section. They also stood out against the functional families around them, and they could do little but envy the people around them.

What is worse, they had extra people in their booing section. They also had this nagging suspicion that there was something wrong with them. The whole situation was out of their control for most of their life, but they were the ones left holding the bag. There was not, and is not, any way to convince them that they are okay despite the situation they grew up in. They seem destined to have problems.

I cannot judge anyone else's experience. There are valid reasons for divorce, and people make all kinds of mistakes. Believe me, I understand how life can turn out different than you intended it. That is why I make this disclaimer: I am not judging anyone except myself and my two cousins here. Your results may vary, and I can see the need for sensitivity and empathy in these situations.

Having made such a disclaimer, I think that the difference maker for us has been the fact that I had two loving parents in my home when I was growing up who supported me, challenged me, motivated me, and disciplined me. It was a bonus that they were my biological parents, but I think a loving and healthy step-parent can make a difference too.

I think there is a lot to be said about broken homes. A lot has been said; I know I am not breaking new ground here. I just needed to write this out for my own analysis: All three cousins have individual strengths and weaknesses, but are essentially equal. One of us has done well and has a bright future and two are headed no-where (or worse). I need to know that it isn't because I am better, smarter, genetically superior, or of a higher morality; my condition is more the result of the efforts, sacrifices, and love of my parents.

No matter how hot my future secretary turns out to be, the above lesson alone is reason enough to be faithful to my wife, in order to ensure the success and mental stability of my kids. It is also a reminder that, when I feel bad about my parental shortcomings or mistakes, I can take comfort in the fact that a loving, supportive home can overcome all kinds of mistakes and shortcomings.

I think my cousins are a warning for many people who would be about to make a big mistake. I wish that C1 could understand this better and begin taking steps to compensate for his own son. Even so, this is all about me. I am writing this lesson to drill it deeper into my consciousness. My decisions have a dramatic impact on the rest of my children's life. I could make a decision today could make or break my kids for the next 80 years. I need to approach my parenting with the humility and responsibility that that knowledge inspires.

A Few Words and A Quote

I believe that the American English language could use a little sprucing up. We have really let ourselves go. We often would rather use slang or less accurate words for some reason, in speaking, in writing, in the media and in casual conversation. This politically correct spirit of dumbing everything down to make sure EVERYONE understands what we mean (like instructions on Drano that warn you not to eat it) is going too far sometimes.

I believe that if you sprinkle your spoken and written communications with more technical, rarer, and more eloquent words, you end more interesting to intelligent people and appear more intelligent to simpler people. However, there is a line to cross. We do need to dumb ourselves down sometimes; if you are always using rare and polysyllabic words when a common word will do, you come off like a pompous dork who is desperate for praise and affection. In my opinion.

I love "collecting" rare and technical words. Sometimes, it is a word I have heard used a few times by lofty sources, and I finally look it up to understand its true definition. Sometimes it is a word that has me completely baffled, even in context, and I look it up. Sometimes the word is the only single word to use to describe a concept, and the concept is worth remembering. In any case, I like to write the word on a 3x5 card and place it in a box full of words. I occasionally go through this box and refresh my memory of words that I wanted to remember. In the process, I hope I am expanding my vocabulary and connecting new neurons.

I also love quotes. With ADD, I don't always have the mental focus to read an article or book. Oftentimes in a quote, a brilliant mind is able to convey an idea succinctly and eloquently, making it understandable and memorable. These are the quotes I am after.

Here are three words that I would like to use a little more often:

Susurration: (soo-suh_Ray'-shun) A whispering sound; a soft murmur. (On my drive to Chicago today with a 52 year-old and a 4 year-old, I hope I hear little more than susurrations.

Azygous: Singular; Not one of a pair; odd. (Do you know anyone who is azygous?)

Cynomorphic: The ideas of a dog; the perspective of a dog; the paradigm of a dog. (Is there a better outlook on life than to be cynomorphic? The world is a toilet, the toilet is a drinking fountain, everything is a potential food source, and any leg will do when you are lonely. Cynomorphism is the ultimate form of optimism.)

In light of another weekend away from home, I give you this quote:

"A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking." Earl Wilson

Engery

I drive about 50,000 miles a year for my job. I cover a territory from Junction City, Kansas to Columbia, MO (west to east), and from Bethany, MO to Pine Bluff, MO (north to south). I see a lot of things while I am driving that make me chuckle or laugh out loud, either because they are really funny or because I am overly bored. I see some things that no one will ever believe. I forget about some of the weird things I see, and never get to share them. I always wish that I would keep a digital camera with me when I am driving.

 

Last week, I happened to have my digital camera with me when I passed a sign. I am pretty good at catching other people's spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors--I wish I caught my own errors as well as I catch other people's. I see them all the time, and they are usually honest mistakes. The main reason that I am posting this is because I finally had a camera and a few minutes when I wished I had one.

 

I am also posting this to make fun of K-State because I am a KU fan. This sign is on KS 24 in Manhattan, KS, just miles away from Kansas State University (which apparently needs to focus on their English department as much as their football program). I think they want you to come in and get some energy, but they were too tired to check their spelling. Perhaps the person responsible has ADD, and I am being really insensitive right now. For whatever it is worth, here is the sign:

Uncertainty Avoidance

I hate uncertainty. When I go to the store, I want to know what I am getting: I have a list and a budget, and I already have an idea of what my trip will cost. I don’t get into browsing much; if I don’t have a conception of what I want or need, I just stay home or do something else. Spending hours walking through stores makes me tired and grumpy. I do not go to the library until I have looked up my items online, printed out the call numbers, check availability, etc; I don’t browse much at the library, either.

I have difficulty getting started on a writing assignment when I do not know exactly how I will start, what points I will make, and how I will conclude. I even have difficulty starting research if I do not already know where I want the project to go point by point. I blame it all on being a “big picture” guy.

However, it is when I veer off the planned route that I often find the best stuff. When I am at the store to buy socks, I sometimes find a shirt that I didn’t plan on buying, but it becomes a favorite item to wear. I may discover a food item, tool, or device that I didn’t know existed and now cannot live without. At the library, I have found some favorites just by looking at the books on the shelf near my targeted title. Recently, I read The Confessions of Max Tivoli because the spine grabbed my attention. It was a fantastic read; one of the best novels I have read in a long time, and one I will re-read in the future.

When I fail to conceive a project from start to finish but plunge in anyway, I find some of my best sources and points. There are times when I start writing and hit a dead end. Just as often, I find a new thread to follow, or I come up with a whiz-bang conclusion. In fact, I think most of my best writing has been spontaneous rather than methodically planned.

The threat of uncertainty has caused me to procrastinate, to let writing ideas go, and to shy away from certain projects and opportunities. That is too bad because most of the times that I was at the mercy of fate, I have been pleasantly surprised at the very least.

As I was mulling this tendency of mine over, I realized that it has been studied in cultures. Geert Hofstede is a well-respected researcher and author in the field of Cultural Studies. He got his start by analyzing the employees of IBM in over 70 countries and categorizing how their culture influenced their values. He has since expanded the study, updated it, analyzed it, exposed it to peer review, defended it from criticism, and updated it with more recent and relevant data. It is a hefty topic, and I just want to touch on a small piece of it here.

One value that Hofstede used to identify and categorize different cultures he called Uncertainty Avoidance. A high score in this category identifies a culture that tries to avoid uncertainty. On his website, Hofstede says:

“Uncertainty avoiding cultures try to minimize the possibility of such situations by strict laws and rules, safety and security measures, and on the philosophical and religious level by a belief in absolute Truth; 'there can only be one Truth and we have it'.” http://feweb.uvt.nl/center/hofstede/page3.htm

I am sure that I have missed out on opportunities and gifts because I avoided uncertainty. I am also sure that I could have accomplished more, and put more quality into some projects, if uncertainty had not been an anchor for me. In light of that, how many opportunities and gifts might some cultures have missed out on by avoiding uncertainty?

Uncertainty Avoidance helps a culture avoid invasion, espionage, sabotage, dangerous ideas that undermine the current system, etc. If the U.S. tended more towards Uncertainty Avoidance, we could have prevented many of the imported poison fiascos with Chinese toothpaste, dog food, and children’s toys. We could have kept out the Arab Terrorists in both attacks on the World Trade Center. We could have prevented the political damage done by communists in the twentieth century.

However, Uncertainty Avoidance would have allowed Germany to benefit from Einstein’s genius, rather than us. It would have prevented us from incorporating many of the ideas, tastes, sounds, sights, and innovations that make our lives great today. As a melting-pot nation of immigrants, we had no choice but to embrace a level of uncertainty and hope for the best.

China avoids uncertainty; most Asian nations do. That has held China back from innovation, economic development, beneficial immigration, and political evolution. Deng Xiaoping had to drag the nation kicking and screaming to the foothills of capitalism. Communism and Maoism were known quantities: they could control the variables and expect certain returns. Capitalism meant that the future economy was uncertain. Whether enough people would work the right jobs at the right times in the right places was uncertain; it was uncertain if “The Market” could be trusted to keep the ship upright and on course. Now they have found that the uncertain conditions of the market has created an economy that is like a Tsunami—it exceeds anyone’s predictions or expectations.

Even so, the Chinese economy and society still have many restrictions and stoppers. If the currency of China (the Yuan) were a floating-rate, market valued currency, it is expected that the value would rise to a realistic value, making foreign products more affordable to Chinese consumers and Chinese products more expensive for other nations to import. However, the future is always uncertain. It is possible that a floating-rate Yuan still beats the pants off the dollar and Euro. Moreover, a floating-rate Yuan may bring in more investment, and increase the demand for Yuan in other countries to the point that exceeds the current system of fixed-rates. A floating rate currency does not require a nation to hold $1,034,000,000,000 in reserves to offset demand, which means China would have some spending to do.

Currently, China retains an oppressive political system based on Communism. It includes a lot of nepotism, corruption, and incompetence; there is precious little accountability or creativeness. Just imagine what the nation of China could accomplish if the people could freely choose honest, effective leaders, analyze and criticize public policies, and demand changes when the need arose. The uncertainty of democracy would, I think, be certain to make China the unchallenged leader of the planet in every category.

The rankings below were listed in Hofstede’s book Cultures and Organizations: Software of the Mind (London: McGraw-Hill U.K. Ltd., 1991, p. 123 and 141) and reprinted International Management by Hodgett, Luthans, and Doh (Boston: McGraw-Hill Irwin, 2006, p. 106-7). First, we have cultures that, according to Hofstede, tend to avoid uncertainty more, ranked approximately from greatest avoidance to less:

Greece, Portugal, Guatemala, Uruguay, Belgium, Salvador, Japan, Peru, Costa Rica, Argentine, Spain, Korea, France, Yugoslavia, Panama, Mexico, Turkey, Israel, Austria, Germany, Pakistan, Taiwan, Chile, Brazil, Venezuela, Iran, Thailand, Equador, Arab Countries (Egypt, Lebanon, Libya, Kuwait, Iraq, Saudia Arabia, UAE.)

These nations tend to accept uncertainty rather than avoid it, listed approximately from least avoidance to more:

Singapore, Jamaica, Hong Kong, Denmark, Sweden, Malaysia, Great Britain, Ireland, India, Philippines, Indonesia, West Africa (Nigeria, Ghana, Sierra Leone), East Africa (Kenya, Ethiopia, Zambia), Norway, Netherlands, Canada, USA, New Zealand, South Africa, Australia.

Hofstede did not include every nation in this study. He was originally limited to nations with an IBM office, though he argued that his data was still validated thoroughly, and it compared well to national samples. That explains why the nation you were wondering about may not be listed above. However, I think the main cultural clusters are represented.

I reordered the nations who tend to avoid uncertainty according to a clustering that made sense to me:

1.Celebrated cultures that feel they must prevent being diluted or assimilated: Greece, France, Austria, Germany, Belgium

2.Predominantly Catholic, most of South America, mainly underachievers, all have been candidates for socialism/communism, and supporters of mythology and mysticism (political, cultural, and religious; i.e. Che Guevara and the Virgin Mary): Portugal, Guatemala, Uruguay, Salvador, Peru, Costa Rica, Argentine, Spain, Panama, Mexico, Chile, Brazil, Venezuela, Equador

3. Nations threatened or oppressed by radical and violent Islam (including Islamic nations who are radical because they feel threatened by the west): Yugoslavia, Turkey, Israel, Pakistan, Iran

4. Asian nations, accustomed to a long history of invading and being invaded, each with a distinct culture that they feel needs to be preserved and protected: nTaiwan, Thailand, Japan, Korea.

I will consider this subject further but right now I am thinking this is a problem worth addressing. I have no idea how we get a whole nation, let alone a whole continent, to embrace uncertainty. It does appear to me, though, that there would be many benefits to the global community if more cultures tended to allow, even tended to embrace, uncertainty.

A Rock in Iowa

I got the message below in an email, and thought it was blog-worthy. It is rare that I get an email that I want to share anymore. Besides, this blog could use more pictures and less words every once in a while. Below this paragraph is the email as it was sent to me:

I'm told that there is a huge rock near a gravel pit on Hwy 25 in rural Iowa. For generations, kids have painted slogans, names and obscenities on this rock changing its character many times. A few months back, the rock received its latest paint job and since then it has been left completely undisturbed. It's quite an impressive sight. Be sure to scroll down and check out the multiple photos (all angles) of the rock.

Here's the artist -- Ray "Bubba" Sorensen II.

AWESOME Work, RAY...Thank you! _______________________________________________________________

Dreams vs. Memories

I cannot stop thinking about what I read in Chapter 15 of "The World is Flat" (Release 2.0, 1996). Author Thomas Friedman is discussing "The Curse of Oil" and near the end of the section, on p. 564, he says "When you have to make things with your hands and then trade with others in order to flourish, not just dig a well in your own backyard, it inevitably broadens imagination and increases tolerance and trust." After that grabbed me, I reread an earlier section of the chapter where, starting on p.553, Friedman discusses, "Does your society have more memories than dreams or more dreams than memories?" He says that if memories are emphasized over dreams in a company or culture, and of course in an individual, "the end is near."

The need for imagination and dreams is a deep part of the American culture, and has been since our inception. The need for imagination and dreams is what brought almost everybody here (those us who came here willingly.)

Today in the American culture, among people who have been Americans for several generations, you can see a similar divide. The people who have no imagination, no dreams, and who cannot or will not trade their services in the market place are usually the trouble makers, regardless of their location, race, and creed. I have seen people come from a poor ghetto, country, or trailer-park atmosphere, dare to dream, and went on to make something of themselves. It seems all that these rags-to-middle-class-or-better people needed was the audaciousness to dream (despite the laughter and maliciousness of family and peers), and an imagination to develop their competitive advantage.

In a global context, I see the dynamic that Friedman talks about as well. The U.S. has oil, but not enough that we can rely on it for our needs. We require imagination, innovation, and elbow-grease to feed our people. Dubai in the United Arab Emirates realized that they will soon no longer be able to rely on oil profits, so they imagined an indoor ski hill in the middle of the desert, and man-made islands in the form of palm trees.

I wonder about Russia. They are desperate to fix their economic problems, crumbling infrastructure, and demographic problems. They have oil, natural gas, coal, iron, diamonds, gold, and a plethora of other resources to sell. Luckily, those resources are not enough to run the worlds largest nation, because Russia has the cultural tendency to run rough-shod over its people and suppress imagination. However, non-renewable commodities are currently the primary fuel of their economic engine, and without those resources they would not be a blip on any economic radar.

When you read about Russia suppressing freedom and violating asset ownership it usually has to do with harvesting natural resources--but not always. There is also the problem of the Russian Mafia, which many people say is unavoidable at some point of doing business in Russia. The smaller municipalities have had a tendency to allow western companies to bring in imagination, technology, and capital, and then allow a local company to take over the operation. We all have seen the former KGB officer who somehow ingested a poisonous level of a radioactive substance, and the journalists who were critical of the Kremlin and somehow ran into freak, fatal accidents.

I see two Russia's. In both, the memory is long. However, in one Russia the memory is of the horrors of the Soviet Union and the Czars, which inspires a larger set of dreams for the future. In the other Russia, the memories are of "the good old days" of the Soviet Union when everybody pulled together, hard decisions were made for you, the problems were swept under the rug, and the politicians had absolute power. Here, imagination is dead. Which one rules Russia? Which one is in the hearts of the majority of Russians? Have all the Russians with dreams and the capacity for imagination left already? It would be a shame if the "Brain Drain" not only sucked out knowledge and experience, but drained away dreams, imaginations, hopes, and aspirations of a culture.

I am left wondering how we can inspire nations like Iraq and Afghanistan to dream, rather than remembering what Abdul did to Ali in 1322 A.D. I am left wondering how to replace or prop up dreams that have left the American poor, Russia, and elsewhere. And I wonder if the next generation of terrorists will come from imagination-challenged nations like France and Russia (or the American trailer-park and inner-cities), rather than Egypt and Saudi Arabia.

Blogs Worth Mentioning

A few blogs I have enjoyed recently:

Lynciescott07 and AAADD

I stumbled onto this blog post this evening and laughed hysterically. Lyncie writes about Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder (AAADD)-whatever that is- and describes a typical day for her that starts out with great intentions, remains busy throughout, and ends exhausted, but with nothing accomplished. It is a quick read, and funny for those of us who can relate to being easily distracted.

http://mclowry.blogspot.com/

I am a voyeur. Not the perverted, bathroom-camera kind. The kind who people-watches in public places, silently cheering when quarreling lovers provide some drama. The kind who overhears through cubicle walls—don’t worry, I won’t tell your secrets, but I am judging you. I love reality TV like Gene Simmons Family Jewels for purely voyeuristic reasons. If I were the kind to peek in windows (I’m not) I would spend my time on the dining room and kitchen, not bathrooms and bedrooms. Voyeurism is what I love about Terri’s blog; she is a landlord to some very interesting people, including her own family. To boot, she is a fantastic writer (as a college writing professor, she’d better be, huh?)

http://blog.neatandsimple.com/

I just discovered this blog today and haven’t had time to dig deep. Even so, the few posts that I’ve read and the headlines in the archive assure me that I will gain a lot from this blog. Ariane Benefit is an organizing consultant, it appears, with a M.S. in Education. Her blog is devoted to uncluttering life, her own and anyone else who is reading. It is a timely find for me as I seek to unclutter a seemingly impossible situation.

http://technorati.com/

Technorati is how I find interesting blogs. Google has a search feature for blogs, and it may work better than Technorati. However, I am remaining loyal to my first love. I love technorati for two reasons. First, they make a great attempt at using web technologies to personalize the experience and make it as useful as possible. Some people just throw up a website and don’t give my opinion much thought when they do so; they focus more on trying to trick me into clicking a banner or buying stuff I don’t need. Technorati really wants you to find the blog you are looking for, and wants to help you find blogs you may be interested in but don’t know it yet. Secondly, Technorati is a place where I can search for myself and be found easily and prominently. I am an incurable narcissist on the Internet, what can I say?

Learn 1 Thing Every Day

I am sure I have heard this many times from many sources: "Try to learn one thing every day." However, I really remember it sinking in for the first time as I read the cheesiest self-help, motivational book ever written: Leadership Secrets of the Rogue Warrior by Richard Marcinko. I usually try to live by that advice.

Some days, I go to a college or corporate classroom with the intention of learning something--that makes it easy. Other days, I really have to seek out knowledge. I wish more people around me were trying to learn.

I have been in classrooms where the instructor quit learning a long time ago. It is hard to learn from someone who hasn't actively built their knowledge: what they teach you is dusty and moldy, and I have caught more than one dinosaur with inaccurate, out-dated knowledge.

I have worked for managers who quit learning a long time ago. The business environment has globalized, the workforce has diversified, the customers are now into low-cost and high-tech rather than high-quality and personal service. Even so, the dinosaur manager keeps trying to pound square pegs into round holes, and has no idea why they are about to be volunteered for an early retirement.

I know people who have the resources and opportunities to use technology to make a better, more productive life for themselves. Instead of rising to the new age, they cower as techno-phobes, afraid to learn something new. I sympathize with the romantic notion of a simplified, technology-less life. However, you must accept that, while that lifestyle was fairly free of consequences 20 years ago, today a person without a certain level of tech-savvy will be forced to make some extreme sacrifices in their life. It may be wrong, ugly, and scary, but it is too late to fight it. Get with the times or get left behind.

I have skipped opportunities to learn something new, and accepted those opportunities when, luckily, they were offered a second time. I have always found that the learning isn't as hard as I thought it would be. I have also found myself in times when I regretted that I had not accepted a learning opportunity and needed that knowledge later.

Learning should be viewed as a rare privilege. Not everyone has the opportunities, resources, and capacities for learning that we of the cyber-space do. We have a limited amount of opportunities to learn, and most opportunities only knock once. We have a limited amount of time to learn, and the clock is ticking.

I learned something simple and useful today: I learned how to embed a YouTube video into a Powerpoint presentation. I have considered doing it before, but made do without the knowledge. For a presentation on the culture and business environment in China, I really wanted to include a couple of videos. I watched a brief video, and did it. Piece of cake. It isn't knowledge that will solve the energy crisis or make me a million bucks; however, it may prove to be a contributing factor. You never know.

If you are curious, too, how to embed a YouTube video into a Powerpoint presentation, watch this:

One of the videos I embedded in Powerpoint today is worth embedding here. It is a short video of Greg Bissky explaining how the Chinese and western minds differ on their perception of a contract. He explains that the best paradigm is to view it as a marriage. A marriage entails ongoing negotiation and compromise to be successful, and that is how the Chinese view a business contract. They tend to be fatalistic, and believe that you cannot predict what the future holds. Therefore, you must be offering a present value, and leave the future negotiable when doing business in China. I wonder how many billions have been lost by businesses who failed to learn that little nugget of wisdom.

Which brings me back to my original point: you rarely know how valuable something is when you have the opportunity to learn it. It may look like a dirty rock today, but if you clean it up, you may find it is a nugget of gold.

What I Lived For

I just spent an entire weekend without Internet access, and it was grand. I brought my laptop, and I could have found internet somewhere if I really tried. But since I didn't have broadband in my room, I just left the laptop dark. I preferred to live simpler this weekend, and spend more time on the lake or in the pool with my family. Had the Internet been available, I would have spent more time working and playing alone on my laptop, rather than splashing and chasing and tickling and talking and enjoying exercise, sun, clean air, water, and the laughter of children. I am a wealthier man today for having spent my time without the laptop, though money has nothing to do with it. My account of smiles and warm, fuzzy feelings is now overflowing.

I awoke early every morning with a head full of thoughts; I am always the first one up anywhere I go, unless I am with my dad. I had a laptop, but I left it in its bag. Instead, I journaled early in the morning, on a balcony looking out over trees to Table Rock Lake, in complete silence save for the bugs. I used paper and pen, I wrote words across a page, trying not to smudge ink and occasionally relieving hand cramps. When the smokers next door hacked and choked their way outside for their first death-stick, I knew it was time to wrap it up and head in.

For some reason, that hand-cramping and smudging is "real writing" to me. I write faster on a keyboard, and I end up with more polished thoughts through the ease of editing. However, paper and pen is so much more intimate to me. I feel like I am really seeing the contents of my brain, heart, and character. I make a lot of Freudian-like slips when I write longhand because my brain is 10x faster than my pen. Perhaps it is more accurate to say that my pen is 10x slower--I do not want to give the illusion that my brain works quickly, especially early in the morning, on vacation, before the coffee has started flowing. However, those slips reveal the connection of my hand to my brain, and the connection of thoughts that were spilling out.

I doubt any of that writing will end up here or anywhere else. It was an exercise of thinking, and of further examining my life. I needed to get away from home and technology to get closer to my family. I also needed those same conditions to get even closer to myself. I fantasize about getting totally alone, away from all electricity, not even a cell phone, in a mountain cabin for a few days. I would really like to see what I learn about myself when it is just me, the bugs, and a journal. That is probably why the most useful and enjoyable book, to me, is one where the author did exactly that for several seasons.

While writing, or just sitting and staring, I often thought of a quote from Thoreau about "...sucking the marrow out of life..." and wished I had brought Walden with me. I made a mental yellow-sticky note to look up the passage when I returned to my office. Luckily the note stuck, rather than falling behind some mental filing boxes, or getting buried under some mental racy pictures. ;)

Here is one of my favorite quotes ever, and my opinion of writing at its best; Henry David Thoreau in his masterpiece Walden in the chapter "What I lived For":

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God, and have somewhat hastily concluded it is the chief end of man here to "glorify God and enjoy him forever."

The Examined Life

If you are paying attention to my tags at the bottom of my posts, you will find many of them are tagged with "The Examined Life". Those of you who have some classical training probably get it immediately. For those of you who wonder what it means, at least to me, read on.

Socrates is credited with the principle of "The Examined Life" and the idea that the unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates is famous for asking questions. He asked fantastic questions in context, but it is not the questions he asked that made him great. It is the fact that he asked questions as his method of learning that made him great.

Socrates asked questions in situations where he probably knew, and knew that he knew, the answers. The act of questioning was often Socrates' method of arguing. There was nothing he could have said to convince his opponent of their errors, but by questioning them he could help them see their own errors.

How many people have you crossed paths with who were living a shallow, trite existence and slowly killing themselves while avoiding the opportunities that would provide them with happiness and fulfillment? These are people who are not examining their life, who are either not looking into their motivations and considering the consequences of their actions, or who have not asked and answered the right questions yet. Conversely, perhaps they are examining their life but not accepting the answers.

I have always lived the examined life. I have always looked inward and questioned if what I was doing and where I was going lined up with my value system and intentions. I have always questioned and updated my value system. Examining my values, motives, actions, thoughts, goals, past, present, and future has not prevented all possible mistakes, though.

I have made many mistakes because I was not experienced and knowledgeable enough to ask the right questions. I also made mistakes because I refused to examine areas of my life, or refused to accept the answers I found there. I knew for a long time that my drinking did not align with my values and goals, and that it was in fact deterring me from my goals, threatening my freedom and family, and making me fat and lethargic. It wasn't until I accepted those facts that the examination of my life paid off.

By examining my mistakes, I have accelerated my knowledge. I now know more about myself, my strengths and weaknesses, my "real" values, and my habits and tendencies. I can better predict outcomes, and I can leverage myself to set better goals and ensure success. I would argue that I have learned more by examining my mistakes than I have from any person, book, system, institution, or other source.

The examined life is one of freedom. I know, for a fact, that I have chosen my path, every step of the way. I will not look back on 80 years full of regret, pondering all the missed opportunities. I take satisfaction from knowing fairly well what I am doing, why I am doing it, and what the result will be. I have expectations of results, I have goals, I have desires and preferences; I am better assured of achieving the life I desire and creating my preferred environment by examining my life.

The examined life has spiritual ramifications. I believe that all spiritual belief systems have at least one idea in common. Whether the system is Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Taoism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Confucianism, Humanism, or Ethical Atheism/Agnosticism, these systems all aim to limit our negative impact and increase our positive impact on our fellow humans.

In addition, this is the aim of most political movements, to include American liberalism and American conservatism (contrary to each movement's claims about its opponent). By regularly examining our life as a habit and a spiritual/political/ethical/philosophical exercise, we avoid regretting our actions to others, and we get warm, fuzzy, satisfying, fulfilling, self-actualizing feelings by discovering opportunities to benefit others. The added benefit is that, due to the symbiotic nature of society, when we benefit others we also benefit ourselves.

I do not know for a fact if the unexamined life is worth living or not. I have never lived it, and never intend to. I do know that ignorance is not bliss; you eventually find out areas where you were ignorant, and that is a horrible realization. I hate finding out later that I was butt of a joke, or that everyone was talking behind my back about my choice of shirt. I really pity that guy who is madly in love, while we all know his girlfriend is...friendly. In that light, I seek to discover as much as I can about how I live my life to avoid such disturbing revelations.

A person will wake up today and find out that their 60 years of smoking has led to cancer, or their drinking has lead to cirrhosis, or their unrestricted sweet tooth has lead to diabetes, or their neglect of their family has left them alone, or their neglect of their career skills has left them without options, or their neglect of their savings has lead to a bleak retirement, etc... Don't be that person. Wake up today, find your opportunities to improve your condition, and live The Examined Life.

The Graduate

Last night, I checked off one of the biggest goals I have set for myself: I completed the required studies for a bachelor degree. I am now a college graduate, and no one can take that away from me. I have two weeks left in an online undergraduate course for Baker University, and I have a new class starting up at the community college next week. I can fail both of those classes, and every class I ever take, and I will still be a college graduate.

When I graduated high school, there were only a few things I set as goals. I had some dreams too, but the goals I needed to achieve were: graduate from Marine Corps Boot Camp, get married and have kids, own a house, and get a college degree. All of those goals seemed huge and unobtainable back then. I graduated from boot camp six months later. It took eight years to get married and buy a house, nine years from high school to have kids, and fifteen years to finish my degree.

Here I am, all of those goals checked off. I have created new goals in the meantime, and I can now focus on these new goals one at a time. The big beast of the undergraduate degree cost 10 years, unknown hours of my life, and tens of thousands of dollars (I shudder to calculate the complete cost), but it was obtainable, and worth every second and every penny.

I don't have the feeling of elation or relief. I think that I already experienced those feelings a few months ago when I realized I was almost done and there was nothing stopping me. That is when I began to consider my future and set my sights in the graduate degree. So I am elated and relieved, I am just accustomed to feeling that way now.

I have work to complete this morning, and then I have to drive to a lake and relax for a weekend. Next week, I have work and school as well as family and home-owner obligations; same as always. Life is not going to change for me very much in the near future.

However, I have a completely different future awaiting me today as a college graduate. The next time I choose or am forced to switch jobs, I have more doors opened for me. I can now attend graduate school and take a step up in opportunities. Most importantly, I can now help my children to see a college degree as something that is obtainable, valuable, and necessary.

I am standing on the summit of a mountain that I have been climbing for a long time. The mountain was obstructing a view of the other side while I climbed. I can now enjoy the view, but I realize it includes more mountains to climb - as many as I want. First, I am going down to see if there are any fish in this lake down here. However, I cannot wait to start climbing the next mountain; after climbing this big one, they all look like bunny hills to me.

Baker University, graduating class of BSM-82, on the the last night of class (August 9, 2007). I am seated in the front row in a red striped shirt:

The cake. Cake always tastes good, but this one was extra sweet and satisfying, for some reason:

Cargill and Greenpeace

I am really busy this week and do not have time to blog the way I want to. I have started several posts, but haven't had time to finish them. I want to stay in the habit of regular posting so I am submitting today a short paper I wrote for a class.

On my blog (in the future), I will discuss Corporate Social Responsibility and Stakeholder Theory, which contains some ideas I am really excited about and I do not think gets enough discussion. Here is an example of Stakeholder theory in action:

This week’s article is based on a piece that I heard on National Public Radio (NPR) Monday morning. It discusses how the multinational corporation (MNC) Cargill has teamed up with the non-governmental organization (NGO) The Nature Conservancy to improve the environment. Though both organizations are based in the United States, they both are interested in the sustainability of Brazil. Therefore, the unlikely duo is working to reduce soy farming on illegally cleared land in Brazil.

Two more players enter the picture, demonstrating the true complexity of stakeholder theory. Greenpeace tracks the deforestation trends, works with Brazil’s government, and carries a big stick in the public affairs arena. The other players are the local farmers who sell their soy to Cargill. Cargill stands to lose some profits in this initiative, but their loss is small compared to the farmers who stand to lose their livelihood if it is determined that the land they are on currently was cleared illegally in the past. They are just trying to feed their family and participate in capitalism, but as usual they are getting the short end.

Click here for NPR's article.

Chauncey, The Surfing Dog

Chauncey would get a running start and step onto a floating foam cushion in the pool. Together, he and the cushion would glide across the water looking as natural as can be. This is how Chauncey earned the name "The Surfing Dog".

He loved the water. When I took him to a local lake, he would swim forever with the other dogs. In the pool at my parents house, he would jump in for tennis balls and use the stairs to get out. He would do laps with me, or let me carry him around like a child in the water. Besides surfing, he would lay on the cushion and hang out with whomever was in the pool.

Chauncey was adopted from a local shelter back in 1995-he was about 10 months old. He had a horrible kennel cough that produced a wretching noise and a warm, yellowish liquid between 12-3 am. He came with a horrible chewing habit as well: toys were destroyed the day they were purchased. Household items were also destroyed. When Chauncey lit into my Dad's new, leather Lazyboy, he almost died.

They bought him a cage to keep him, and the house, safe when no one was home. He soon preferred to lay in his cage when he needed to recharge or just be alone. After a few years, his cough and bad habits went away, and he turned into a near perfect dog to have around. Very little barking, few messes, great temperament, and a loving personality.

Chauncey loves car rides, like most other dogs (except my two dogs, the freaks). When I got back from the Marine Corps, after living on various Pacific islands for four years, I loved the freedom of driving for hours without a dead end. Chauncey was often a companion on those trips. I also liked to take a walk in the woods, and he always accompanied me.

By 1998, I had moved into my own apartment and adopted my own dog, Joey. I would bring Joey to my parents house when I visited to mooch food and beer. Joey and Chauncey were instant friends. I always made sure that I spent a few minutes with Chauncey alone to make sure he understood that we were still buddies. Occasionally, without Joey around, Chauncey and I could relive our roughhousing and long drives.

Recently, Chauncey has gone down hill. As my parents were preparing to move to another house, Chauncey quit eating, rapidly dropped weight, and had trouble moving around. We thought that he had decided not to move, but to die in the old house. He surprised us by recovering, and he seemed to enjoy his new home for the last few months.

However, there was a new development this weekend. He suddenly has a distended belly that is sensitive to the touch. The Vet says there is not much to be done.

He was brought home so that we could all say our goodbyes. My 6 year old daughter made him a card, and she shed a few tears for him. She understands he is going to doggy heaven, but that doesn't make it any less painful for her. My son views it more scientifically, "Chauncey is going to die?" When we explain to him about sick dogs, he knods like that makes sense to him, and he is off to play Candyland.

Chauncey always loved to get out of the house and investigate strange surroundings. Today, my mom will call out, "Chauncey, let's go for a ride in the car!" He will get as excited as he can in his condition. He will get in the car, wagging and panting all the way. He will smile a doggy smile as he looks out the window. He may not know that this is his last car ride, but I am sure he will make the best of it as he always did. If a dog could be given a last request, Chauncey would have known he was too old to surf anymore. He would have chosen for it all to end with a car ride.

Goodbye, Chauncey. You were a good dog, and I appreciate the love you gave to me.

The Organization Challenge (with photos)

How am I supposed to get anything done when the places that I work in are cluttered, messy, piled up, scattered, stacked, neglected, and downright disorganized? I used to say that it was just my way, that I couldn't work any other way, and other rationalizations. Any head-shrinker will tell you that one of the most common symtpoms of ADD is disorganization, lots of piles of junk that move around, but never really diminish.

However, the fact of the matter is that no human being should live a cluttered life. I am no longer living like this. I could find reasons to blame my clutter, but it doesn't make me any better.

At least once a year, I kick myself in the pants and get something uncluttered. It takes weeks, it is painful and exhausting, but I do it anyway. Sometimes it is the garage, sometimes my van, sometimes my office. Once the space is uncluttered, I am so much happier and productive--it's like a drug.

Within a month, I have undone the program and I am living the cluttered life again. It takes place slowly, and there is always a great reason for it (a busy week, bad weather, sickness, the usual...), but eventually I am a messy, unproductive slob again. In fact, I was a slob all along, I was just a neater slob for a while.

I have tried many different approaches. Notes, bins, shelves, file folders, reminders, rewards, punishments. This has been an ongoing cycle since early childhood. My four-year-old son is like this, by the way, so it may be genetic. There is something inside of me that causes this, that either desires this clutter or cannot muster up the resources to remain organized.

I am less productive at work. I lose things, I procrastinate, and I take longer to complete projects do to my clutter. I am less productive at home. My wife, who tries to keep the rest of the house in order, hates the clutter and sometimes takes it upon herself to clean up the junk. That is not fair to her. My clutter also affects my kids: the sight of clutter may depress or demotivate them, and it sets a bad example for them.

Therefore, I have begun the Organizational Challenge. By September 30th, I will have cleaned up my van, my garage, and my basement (to include my office). On October 30th, I will have kept these areas in an organized state. By November 30th, I will have blown away any record in my life at staying clean and organized. By December 30th, I will be like a new man. If these areas stay organized into 2008, then there is no telling what I will be able to accomplish in the new year. Maybe I'll run for president, since the Republicans have offered up nothing exciting and the Democrats are determined to get their heart broken by another Clinton.

This link goes to my "before" photos. I will update the album (and my blog) when progress has been made. I would really like to see some comments or emails with some strategies on how I could best get my arms around this problem (without propellants or explosives). If this is a problem you have, and you would like to participate or compete, please email me at lslobodzian@gmail.com

I Am 29

I was born on January 25, 1974. As of August 4, 2007, I am 29 years old. You can try to show me the math, you can argue with me, you can insult me. You will never convince me that I am anything but 29 years old.

I didn’t experience a “normal” life in my twenties. There were some adventures in the Pacific, some formal education,some lessons at the school of “hard knocks”, and a lot of alcoholic blackouts. There were also some periods of debilitating depression where I stayed in bed for several days, or delayed my degree by ten years, or the 1000 great projects I never completed (or never even started).

I had a lot of fun that I don’t remember, and I missed out on a lot of good times. Therefore, I have declared the foreseeable future to be my “twenties”. I have more wisdom and less handicaps now, so I can enjoy it more. I think 29 is a realistic number, so I am sticking with it. I have been 29 for several years now, and will be for another 15 or twenty years to come, I think.

I now see that having sexual romps with as many women as possible is shallow and dangerous. But perhaps I can convince my wife to pretend we are both in our twenties and on Spring Break. Moreover, sex isn’t half as exciting without the context of love, commitment, good times and bad, kids and other fiscal responsibilities, a long list of IOU’s, etc…

I now realize how alcohol prevented me from fully experiencing so many important moments of my life. I am now enjoying the fact that I can participate in events without inebriation, I have all of my physical faculties available to me, I do not have a tendency to embarrass myself, and the added bonus is that I get to remember the activities in the morning.

I now realize that I will not live forever: I can be killed by most conventional methods. Therefore, I can better calculate the risk-to-reward ratio and avoid so many stupid things that could have ended my twenties. I can also avoid the things that were killing me slowly: cigarettes, inactivity, excessive stress over miniscule issues, and daily McDonalds lunches.

The first decade of my twenties was a total waste, but for the wealth of lessons learned and a few select events (such as meeting my wife, having kids, and serving my country). The next two decades of my twenties are going to be a lot more fun, I am going to get a lot accomplished, and I am going to remember it all this time.