A Good Idea Gone Bad

My company has a lot of bad ideas. I suppose almost every company has bad ideas and I tend to notice my company's stinkers because they affect me directly. However, I have worked for several companies, as well as the federal government (!) and haven't noticed the quality and quantity of bad ideas that affect me today. If you saw the size of the cell phone that my company expects me to carry, or the convoluted and unnecessary processes that I have to follow daily, you might actually shed a real tear for me.

Don't get me wrong, it is a good company overall and a great job, it is just in a slump of confused management right now. The people who lead me have not been in a classroom for a long time, nor do they read current business literature. They will soon move on, whether by choice or by force. I am grateful for the opportunities I have at this company, but I will be more grateful when better leadership arrives. In time, that leadership will be me: I hope I do not forget the lessons I learn today as I look at good ideas gone bad.

The pictures below are just one of many ideas that my company has that start with a good idea, but wind up with a horrible idea at implementation. These are three of the four doors that the employees can use to enter and exit the building:

Here is how it works: If you are outside, you scan a security badge. The outside door opens and you enter the isolation chamber. When the door behind you closes, the glass doors open. They will not open until the door closes behind you, and that door is on a heavy, hydraulic closer, so you can't quickly slam it shut. In fact, you cannot be in a hurry at all with these doors. They sense your urgency and move slower, I swear it. If you are leaving, you push a button. The glass doors open slowly and you step in. They close behind you, and only then can you open the next door. Again, patience is required.

The purpose of the isolation chamber is to make sure that only one person goes through the door at a time. My company handles sensitive data, and they want to make sure that everyone in the building is authorized. To be clear: we are not talking about national security, we are talking about social security numbers and bank account numbers. If it was national security, they would post guards at the entrances. For personal identities, they want a cheaper solution.

As you can imagine, this creates a bottle-neck when you are trying to get in or out. If you are trying to leave at 8am or 1pm, as everyone else is coming in, you might as well get comfy. Also, don't try to leave through the door to the smoker's porch, ever: it is a pretty busy door.

Which leads me to the next point. Each person spends about 20-30 seconds in the closed isolation chamber. That leaves plenty of time to leave your personal scent behind and enjoy the last person's. I am a little sensitive about scents, and there are a lot of them in my company. There are some scent-neutral people, and a few ladies who smell heavenly. On the other hand, there are the smokers, who stink. I used to be a smoker, so that is why it is so repulsive to me. There are also occasions of bad hygiene, cologne that expired in 1977, garlic and onions, and flatulence. Luckily, one of those doors is shared by only 5 people and used rarely.

The door for the engineers in our shop is less odoriferous and experiences fewer bottle-necks. However, it is the least-useful of all the doors. We engineers are often carrying arm-loads or cart-fulls of electronics. There is a way to use a key to lock the doors open for this purpose; of course, we have not received the key after 2 months of using this door. We have to hold the glass back while we drag the cart in; therefore, the door can be violated easily and serves no useful purpose.

What if there were an emergency, you ask? Supposedly, if the alarms sound, the doors automatically lock in the open position. However, if there is no alarm, it is business as usual. Therefore, if someone starts shooting or a chemical is released (accidentally or purposefully), you will have to wait your turn to exit. If there is an electrical fire, structural collapse, or severe storm, which knocks out power before the doors are opened, you will have to make your way to the nearest breakable window. The Facilites Manager looked very concerned and sincere when he told me, "We are working on that."

I wonder if anyone in my company is truly claustrophobic, and how they feel about these doors... I doubt anyone in management wonders about such things.

If your personal information resides within my company, you will be pleased to know that it is being safeguarded as best as we can. However, we may have to sacrifice a few employees in the process. I may have to take a bullet for your SSN one day. Any company that thinks these doors are a good idea is bound to push at least one gun-nut to snap and shoot up an office. God forbid, of course.