The Meaning of Life

I continue on my journey of spiritual discovery. By the way, that is what I am calling it now. It started with book browsing, and two books attracting my attention: Thank You Power by Deborah Norville and The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes. As I considered those books, I revisisted the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, which contains a similiar message to The Secret: that of using your mind to attract desirable things.

The result of these three books was twofold. First, I began to change my innner thought life by thinking less about the negative things that I experience or wish to avoid and thinking more about the positives I gratefully possess or that I desire. Secondly, I began to dig deeper into my heart to figure out what I really want and why I want it, as well as to find gratitude for the great life I have now. The side effect of these ideas were that I was happier, more peaceful, and more focused on my employer and family rather than on myself (which made me even happier, somehow.) I have pruned my life a little, which allows for new growth.

Somehow, in the midst of this "Journey of Spiritual Discovery" (when you read that title, it should have a dramatic echo to it) I stumbled on Rick Warren's name and his book The Purpose Driven Life. I am not sure where it popped up, but what stood out to me was the fact that he was talking about having a mission or purpose to your life, which would made my "Journey of Spiritual Discovery" a lot easier: journeys are easier if you know in which direction to set out. I was also intrigued by his ability to reach people like me who are not in church but also not opposed to church.

One of my Christmas gifts was a giftcard to my favorite store, Half Price Books. I used it to purchase two books, one of which was Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. For the last two mornings, I have read a chapter and contemplated the author's points. Day one taught me that the purpose of my life is about God, not about me. Day two taught me that God had a specific purpose in mind when he created me.

I am not saying I am accepting these lessons and nodding my head in obedience to Rick Warren or to God. Actually, if I was convinced that the God of the universe had specifically commmanded me, I would nod in obedience and spring into action. Therefore, the real challenge for Warren's book is to convince me that God has provided the meaning and purpose. And only God can do that, really. Eloquence is lost on me at this point in my "Journey of Spiritual Discovery" (still hearing the echo?); what I need is action from God that guides me to a conclusion. I cannot be steered by warm-fuzzies or well-crafted C.S. Lewis-like logic. I want results, actions, evidence, and undeniable truth that is as bullet-proof as mathematics.

If anyone knew what all I had seen, heard, done, and had done to me through Christian churches (of many denominations from Catholic to Pentecostal and several points in-between) they would question why I was willing to read Rick Warren's book at all. It isn't a horror story, but it isn't pretty either. The essence is that churches have demonstrated themselves to me to be a place of destructive power at least as often as they help people.

The thing is, I cannot say for a fact that there is no God. From that starting point, I like to think that if there is a God who created everything, then he has communicated with his creation in some way throughout history. Otherwise, the belief in a silent creator is pointless: why have a God who is there but is uninterested in how we live. I would rather believe that there is a Creator, that He had a purpose in mind when He created us, and that He has communicated that purpose to us in ways that we can accurately perceive and interpret individually.

With that creator in mind, I am lead to religion. I figure that if God has spoken in a way that we can accurately perceive and interpret, then people throughout history must have recorded their experiences and can point us in the proper direction. That is where my disillusionment begins. Even if you accept the bible as the word of God, you read a depressing history of people being unable to perceive and interpet the message of God, even in the face of undeniable miracles.

By the way, at the risk of being blasphemous, I feel the need to criticize biblical miracles right now. The biblical mioracles are a major sticking point in my lack of faith. Here is the thing: between 2000 and 4000 years ago, a miracle was a simple matter. If I had a time machine, I could take everyday objects from 2007 A.D. and perform miracles before the crowds that were unimpressed by Moses, Elijah, and Jesus. A lighter, flashlight, aspirin, penicillin, ballpoint pen and notebook paper, or even a mosquito net would be considered items that would change a society. I think God wasted some tremendous miracles on a people who would have been really impressed by the effects of flint, friction, and butane.

Nowadays, it takes more to impress us. We fly, touch the moon, circumnavigate the globe from the comfort of a laptop in a coffee shop, and accurately predict the unstoppable whims of nature. We have methods, theories, equations, scales, and equipment to not only detect the physical laws but to measure them, predict them, and observe their results at the sub-atomic level. If you could do one biblical miracle today and allow it to be tested by scientific theory, you would have a greater effect on the majority of people. Sure, some sceptics would remain. But the vast majority of people who I know, read, or observe would at least start paying attention; the world is ready for a proven miracle, is able to communicate its message worldwide at the speed of thought, and are more than willing to do some good.

Because we lack the unifying morality and values that the miracle could provide, selfishness runs rampant on our planet. It is spreading like wildfire. Old, traditional notions of devotion to family, religion, race, and/or nationality are fading away. This new, flattened world is all about the individual. All around the world, people are throwing off the yoke of belonging to something bigger than themselves. They are embracing the idea that they can have everthing they want, whenever they want it. There are good things to say about this trend, but I think it is mostly bad. Eliminating discrimantion based on gender, race, or ethinicity is good. Abandoning family and neglecting the people who need us (chidren, handicapped, and the elderly) is bad.

Our forefathers (white black, arab, asian, christian, buddhist, muslim...all forefathers, I mean) needed to have unity in their community in order to provide them with a community that kept them safe and provided for their needs while giving them an outlet for their own talent. Now that we have created a global community of more security and free trade, our need for belonging (and conforming) to a larger group is lessened. We seem to seek less miracles and more scientific discovery. We seek less tradition and rules which provide morality and ethics, and we seek more freedom to enjoy life and find out the truth for ourselves.

Even so, we are left adrift. Science and technology has been tremendously effective at improving our existence. However, they have failed to answer our fundamental question of "Why?" Instead, they distract us from the question.

Materialism causes us to pursue wealth and commodities. That pursuit can so consume us that we never stop to ask "why?" Some people amass a houseful of trinkits, collectables, and commodites and at the end of their pursuit they realize that they missed out on so many good things because they were consumed by their pursuit of stuff. They realize, too late, that the stuff was meaningless in the end.

Television, video games, mass-market papaerbacks, and a myriad other forms of entertainment distract us from the "Why" question. In fact, we may be distracted by a movie or book that makes us think we are pursuing the "Why", but we are being led in circles or to dead ends. Other times, we never are aware that the "Why" question exists. The technology magician keeps waving a hand over here and a handkerchief over there, directing our attention away from anything meaningful and producing that shallow, uncomprehending smile from us that he loves so much.

This planet has seen it all before. We don't even see the planes and helicopters in the sky anymore unless they are particularly loud; the ancients from the bible would have had a cartoon-like reaction to such a sight where their jaw hits the ground and their eyes pop out of their heads while an old car horn exclaims "ah-ooo-gah!" We have already imagined it all. We have seen the earth destroyed on TV so many times it bores us. We have seen into the lives of every historical character, rewritten history, and glimpsed the future.

Somhow, we are still easily impressed by triviality. When Paris Hilton burps or Britney Spears runs to the store for eggs, we send an army to film it. We spend millions of dollars to watch people throw and catch a ball, and then bet millions more on the outcome. We bring a multi-billion dollar industry to a screaming halt (and thousands of paying travelers along with it) and forget our political prejudices for a while when airplanes are flown into buldings. We have the ability to be impressed, and it wouldn't really take much--just don't give us the same old-same old.

If some guy showed up today and could demonstrate his inexplicable ability to heal, transform water into wine, or feed thousands with a fish and a loaf, he would be on "You Tube" in a heartbeat. You can actually videotape him walking on water with your cell-phone, immediately upload it to the web, and then start spreading the word. It would clog email servers worldwide within an hour. Scientists would show up and test the density of the water, weigh him, take air-quality samples, and make everyone pee in a specimin jar. Unless there was a known reason why he stood on top of water, science would have to concede that they couldn't explain it. That would distract most people from their meaningless lives. They would start to listen to what the guy said and would be convinced to take action on his message. If his message was as relevant as Jesus', and rang as true on as many levels, then that guy would get a religion named after him.

I cannot get the "Why" question out of my head. I would love to. I have always been willing to just fit into the societal mindset and quit trying to find deeper meaning. I suspect that I would be happier and more peaceful if I could just accept that life is absurd and meaningless, and catch up on all the celebrity gossip and NBA drama.

What keeps me from giving up the quest to find out "Why" is the suspicion that if I could answer the question at least partially or superficially, I would be much happier and more peaceful. In fact, I do have some answers to "Why", though they beg more questions. I am not drifting completely without meaning.

For instance, there is value in being happy. Not "I just finished chocolate cake" happy, but "I just made my daughter smile" happy or "I just accomplished a major goal" happy. Therefore, part of why we are here is to discover the things that produce the most joy and do more of them. Why should we make ourselves happy and why do certain things provide more joy than others? I don't have that answered comepletely yet, but it feels right; I have the impression that it is a truth as fundamental as 1+1=2.

On a personal, individual level, I have a very distinct purpose defined for me by the universe: raise my kids. Not just physically, not just intellectually, but to raise kids with esteem, ethics, morality, confidence, power, grace, humility, and direction. That purpose is temporary; when they become adults I will have a very limited role; I will need another purpose to occupy the rest of my life. It would be best of I have a larger purpose that encompasses my career, my child-rearing, and any other purpose for me. That larger purpose is hazy on the best of days for me, hence my "Journey of Spiritual Discovery".

I was very frustrated and stressed out a few years ago because I could not figure out what I was "supposed" to do with my life. That was based on a notion that I had been created by a specific God who had a specific purpose for me. I was frustrated because I could not determine what that purpose was. If I had been born with a natural ability to play piano, sing, or paint, then my purpose would be clearer. When a man finds himself standing at 7 feet tall, he is forced to consider a basketball career, so if that was me I would have had something to consider. If I had been born into an environment that directed me into a specific purpose, that would have clarified the question. If an Angel in all his shining glory appeared before me and declared my purpose, I would at least have something to go on.

I have nothing like that. I have no talents that stick out and define me. I am average in almost every way. My above-average qualities are more like character traits. My desire to do well, my ability to persevere, think larger than the problem at hand, and connect with people are all geared to many occupations. Basically, I am equipped to do anything I want to do and expect results consistent with my efforts. At the time, I did not see that as an asset and did not enjoy the freedom it implied.

At some point, I read the book What Should I Do With My Life by Po Bronson. My conclusion from that book (and I think it was the author's as well) is that we are free to choose our own purpose. Some people have their purpose defined for them, but in the end they remain free to choose that purpose in the same way that I do. The implication is that without a purpose being handed to me, I had more freedom than those with a clearly defined purpose, who I resented.

Bronson's book helped me release the resentment I felt about not being handed a purpose, and that was a huge weight lifted off me. I embraced the concept that I had been granted freedom to choose my purpose by whatever Gods may or may not be. However, it didn't help me find that purpose. I was free to choose, but choose what?

I have asked myself if I need to have a purpose. I have concluded that yes, I do. If you start a company without a purpose, how can you expect to make a profit? If you start a non-profit NGO without a purpose, you will not receive any donations, be recognized by the IRS, or accomplish anything. In fact, the question is raised: does a non-profit exist without donations, recognition, and accomplishment? I say no, it is nothing without those things at least.

Does a person exist without a purpose? My answer is no. Sure, you occupy space and leave progeny, but did you exist? My concept of existence is based on the fact that we are conscious. Apes take up space and leave progeny, but that is their purpose. They cannot hope for anything better than that.

We can do more than reproduce. Even though our eyes, ears, muscles, lungs, and skeletal structure are far inferior to most animals, we conquer our world through our existence. Our consciousness creates new ideas in how to gather food, build shelter, transport ourselves, fight, communicate, and even reproduce.

The word "create" is what brings me closer to answering the "Why" question. According to the Muslim, Jewish, and Christian traditions, the first thing that God did in our world is create. He created everything we know, ending with Eve (he saved the best for last.) Then, he told us and all the animals to go out and procreate.

For all the animals, birds, fish, bugs, trees, flowers, and the rest of life, that is all they can do. They create new life. They do so with little or no consciousness; I doubt there is much thought involved when a tree drops an acorn or a fish sprays an egg cluster.

We create with our mind and our actions. I created my children in my mind before I was in the same room with my wife. I began creating my children while I was still a child dreaming about what my future may hold. Not only that, but I created this blog. I can create works of art (though only my mother would hang them up proudly), I can think up ways to redirect water or move mounds of earth on a scale that no animal has ever approached. The creativity of the human mind is what makes us exist. We create more than just progeny, we create legacies.

Therefore, I think the larger purpose of life for humans is to create. To say it another way, our purpose is to be creative. We could just make babies, watch TV, and burp Budweiser for 77 years; however, would that be meaningful?

The thing is, many people consider the meaning of life for only a brief moment. They realize it is a hard question to answer; they decide that they can either accept someone else's answer (religion, state, family, company,or other authority) or they can ignore the question. I think that many people realize the fundamental truth that life should include as much happiness as possible, so they seek an easy way to make themselves happy. They find someone to make babies with, buy a TV and a comfortable couch, crack open a Bud, and burp their way to ignorant bliss.

I think they quit too soon and would find that their beer tasted better and TV would be more satisfying if they had a larger view of the answer to the question "Why?" Why are we here and what is the purpose of our life? What provides meaning to our life? Obviously, happiness has something to do with it. However, what is the point of happiness? Moreover, why is happiness so fleating, and why do so few people find it? You probably know a lot of people who say they are happiest on their couch with a remote in one hand and a bag of Doritos in the other, but their expressions and actions tell you how unhappy they really are.

Happiness merely points the way forward. It is the first step in the process of finding meaning, and it is a step that you return to often. I think the deeper meaning of life is creativity. Create something and you will have begun to define your purpose and meaning.

I am left with the question: create what? Create something that makes you happy. Of course, first you need to know what makes you happy. You need to seek deeper levels of happiness. Doritos and Budwiser may provide happiness, but they are low on the scale of potential happiness.

What is your potential happiness? Finding out how deeply you can experience happiness is a great journey in itself; I have found that there is always another layer. What I considered happiness at 20 years old is nothing compared to the deeper levels I am discovering as a father.

Heck, just getting sober expanded my scale of happiness. I am not here to say that alcohol blocks everyone's ability to experience happiness. I will say that you don't know if it is or isn't until you have spent 3 months sober.

However, I will concede that many people are affected by alcohol in the same way that I am by coffee--in other words, some people can achieve total hapiness and enjoy alcohol in the process. In light of that, is it possible that there is something else standing in your way of happiness? I didn't know how happy I could be until I let go of alcohol, some resentments, and some other negativities. I am finding new levels of happiness as I embrace new levels of gratitude and positive thinking. I have no idea how deeply happy I can be, but I aim to find out and remove every obstacle I encounter.

Since this blog is about me, I am going to focus on my purpose. I post this in the sincere hope that someone can read it and take a step towards finding their own purpose in life. I am sure this world would be a better place if more people were seeking some meaning. I am equally sure that people would seek meaning more often if there were more mysteries to our everyday world. Alas, we don't know how our stuff works, but we know it has something to do with oil or electricity, it was conceived by by a human, and most of it was made in China. We know that if we had to explain it, we could Google it or ask our 13-year-old neighbor to explain it.

Back to me: I have a sense on a fundamental level that 1+1 will always equal 2. That sense of a priori knowledge also leads me to believe that I should be happy, that I should do my best to raise my kids, that I should make the world a better place, and that I am meant to create. That is the meaning of my life, at least as far as I have defined it.

I have made the assumption that I can possess a priori knowledge, and that I can sense it. I have assumed that my senses and logic can be trusted in this regard, even though science has consistently demonstrated that our senses can be easily fooled and that our capacity for logic is often flawed and easily influenced. I am betting my life, or at least the meanining of my life, on these assumptions.

Do you have a better idea? Rick Warren thinks he does. He believes that God created each of us for His purpose. Warren bases this assertion on biblical passages, and expects that we will find out what God's purpose is for us by understanding the bible.

I am unconvinced that the bible is the word of God. I am unconvinced that there is a church anywhere in the world that Jesus would be proud of. I am unconvinced that Rick Warren has all the answers, either in his head or in his book. Finally, I am unconvinced that I can find all the answers in one place, book, man, or method.

Conversely, I am unconvinced that Albert Camus and his dreary Existential brothers were right about the absurdity of life. I am unconvinced by Bertrand Russell and other brilliant Atheists who teach that belief in God is illogical. To be succinct, I am fairly sure that there is a God and he had something in mind when he created this universe.

In the first two chapters of The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren has already provided me with an exercise that is good to run through occasionally. I am now considering my place in the universe, the quality of my life, and whether there is an even higher purpose that I can achieve. Even if God and Rick Warren are fake, the act of examing your concept of the universe and your place in it is beneficial.

This examination allows me to see things I would normally overlook. You know, you drive to work everyday past thousands of stationary objects, but I'll bet that you have only seem half of them, or less. You could drive down the same road everyday for 60 years and not realize that there was a tree at a certain spot until that tree falls on your car. So it is with so many things in your life.

My search for the Meaning of Life may never be resolved. I may reach my death bed and conclude it was all meaningless and absurd. I may change my answer several times, or I may be stuck with the same vague answer I have today for the duration. What I think is important to know is that the quest for meaning is more important than the final answer. By seeking to be meaningful, we are able to live a life that is more effective. We will have well-defined and tested values. We will know how to make ourselves happy and maintain that happiness regardless of our condition. We will prune the dead branches and nurture the fruitful ones. We will be left with pride and satisfaction, rather than regret and depression.

I hope that God did create a specific purpose for me, and that Rick Warren can help me discover that purpose. If not, I can take comfort in the fact that the journey is a fun ride, and that the freedom is mine to choose.