Letter to Kate DiCamillo

Dear Ms. DiCamillo,

Thank you for your books. I have been reading them to my kids, and I couldn't have chosen a better author's work. We started with The Tale of Desperauex and followed it up with Because of Winn Dixie. Last night, we finished The Miraculous Adventure of Edward Tulane. We will soon be looking for your other works, and eagerly await a new book.

I loved Despereaux. It was a story that any age could appreciate, and I appreciated the way you introduced a few rare words and explained their meaning with both a definition and then an example in the story. You are not only making my kids smarter, you are making me smarter as well. Thank you.

A few days later, I was reading (alone) about Da Vinci, and the author described Da Vinci's dark/light contrasts as "Chiaroscuro". I found elsewhere that chiaroscuro can be used to produce depth and dimensions in light. To transpose those concepts from art to your story made so much more sense, and I have to tell you how impressed I am by the layers of your story. I am sure that if we reread the book again we will be pleasantly surprised with details and ideas that we missed before.

We went to the movies to see The Tale of Despereaux, and I was sorry to see how they changed your story. The kids were disappointed, too. I understand the need for small changes to translate a story from book to film, but I think they unnecessarily changed the most valuable aspects of your story to "dumb it down" for the movie-goer.

Winn Dixie was a great read, and the underlying values that can be learned are exactly what I want my kids to learn. Thank you!

It is rare for me to cry. Every once in a while, a movie can get to me. I can only think of one book that made me cry before reading about Edward Tulane. That other book was a biography of Carl Sagan, and I cried when he had to say good-bye to his kids before he died prematurely. Your book made me cry twice. I cried about Sarah Jean, and then I cried as Abilene and Edward meet again. Actually, I almost lost it while reading the Coda. My kids had never seen me cry, and they didn't quite understand it, but I think it was a good experience for them. Now they know I'm not as tough as I pretend to be.

More importantly, the lesson of Edward Tulane is of the most important lessons in life (top three lessons, for sure.) It is also the most difficult to put into words, and oftentimes our actions are not enough to teach this lesson. Unfortunately, many people must learn this lesson the hard, just like Edward.

The antique doll had a great many stories to tell, didn't she? With that much time on earth and that many cracks in her china, she must have a treasure trove to pull from when she needs to remind herself that she has been loved, that she has loved, and that life can be really good if your let it.

I can't help but wonder where Bryce went. I wonder what lesson Bryce can teach us? When he is forty years old, is a successful and generous man (a Jean Valjean) or a miserable and bitter drunk reliving his father's life?

Thank you again, Kate DiCamillo. They tell me that reading to my children will pay untold dividends. I am sure that those dividends are multiplied when I am reading your books to them. May your muse continue to inspire you with great tales, great values, and great wordsmithing.

Fat, Forty, and Fired

Another random encounter has turned out well for me. While entering the local library one day, I glanced at the “Friends of the Library” bookstore that is in the lobby. For some reason, a certain title leapt out at me: “Fat, Forty, and Fired” by Nigel Marsh.

I have purchased hundreds of books and checked out hundreds (maybe thousands) from the library over the years. I have been given books that were hand-selected by intelligent and well-meaning people. I have had books assigned to me by well-educated and researched professionals who were sure that the assigned book was exactly right. Google, Amazon, Borders, and InformIT.com have spent billions on the technology to suggest the perfect book for me. What a waste of time, effort, and money by all of us.

I cannot understand why, but the most memorable, impressionable, and important books in my life have almost all been discovered by a random chance encounter. The predictability of this occurring is slightly higher for me than the average person because I am a bibliophile and spend so much time perusing book shelves.

I do not pretend to have any statistical skills, but I would guess that the chances of finding an important and memorable book purely by accident would be pretty rare—almost as rare as lightning-strikes and lottery-wins. I guess I am just a lucky guy. I sure hope a publisher stumbles on this and realizes I am an untapped goldmine (publishers can email me at lslobodzian [at-sign] gmail [dot] com.

When I purchased “Fat, Forty, and Fired” I expected it to start by describing a situation similar to my own and end by leading me to some needed wisdom and perhaps a roadmap for my future. However, it sat on my bookshelf for months, untouched. Graduate school, work, family, and laziness all conspired to allow dust to collect on the book (and the many others in my “to-read” pile”.) Finally, the timing was right. I had time to read, and I was open to receive Marsh’s message.

I reference many books a month, in addition to the email, articles, white papers, and pages of technical manuals I read on a daily basis. However, I rarely read a book cover-to-cover. If I make the effort to stick with a book, it is the highest praise I can pay the author. For my own sake, and I hope some of you as well, I should take the time now to highlight why I think this book was worth sticking through.

First, I must point out how dissimilar I am to the author. Nigel Marsh is an ad executive and CEO. He is well-traveled, has many influential and wealthy friends, and has made more money in a single year than I have in a decade, I am sure. He was born in England and lives now in Australia. In many ways, he lives in a world that I cannot relate to and suspect that he doesn’t truly know anything about the world I live in. Also, I am not quite forty yet.

On the other hand, he is quite down-to-earth and as I read him I felt like we were not that far apart. He wasn’t born rich and he has to work hard to maintain his lifestyle-it could all be taken from him quickly if he is not vigilante and a little lucky. He is realistic about money, and has faced the possibility of poverty or something near it.

Nigel Marsh strives at being a family man, strives to progress in his professional field, and he strives to make his life meaningful. In the end, that is where Nigel and I meet. He has an interest in Corporate Social Responsibiltiy (CSR), making the world a better place, and raising his kids to be meaningful and productive, as well as happy and healthy.

Nigel opens the book as a guy who wants to be a good family man. He ends up working too much, missing time with the family, and then being either emotionally distant or short-tempered with everyone. I, too, find myself on such a merry-go-round of feeling guilty while working late and missing my family till it hurts, and then getting home to yell and scream and then sit silently in front of a TV. Later, I feel guilty about over-reacting and making children cry and beat myself up inside. Perhaps I make it up to them for a day or two. Eventually, the demands of work initiate the vicious cycle all over again.

We are better Fathers than some men because we at least live with our kids, we make an effort to control and improve ourselves, and we genuinely care whether we are helping or harming our kids. However, good-intentions are not enough with parenting and we both know that. Part of this book is a journey to becoming a better parent.

Nigel is overweight. Pudgy. Out-of-shape. Me too. He has a life-long love of running and generally being active, and wished he were doing more for his health and appearance. Me too. Nigel finds that the time-demands and stresses of work and family make exercise almost impossible. Me too. Nigel’s book is partially a story of inspiration and how-to for the overweight has-beens who aren’t ready to give up yet.

Nigel is a goal-junkie. Me too. We both love to set goals and achieve them, big and small. In fact, goal-setting is our modus-operandi. We both have difficulty understanding how people can continue on for entire lifetimes with few, if any, goals set or achieved. Working on our goals gets us out of bed, gets us through hour after hour, and in our darkest moments prevents us from doing rash and regrettable things. Goals gives us a steady supply of hope, and we are keeping a tight lock on Pandora’s box.

The biggest surprise in the book is that Nigel is an Alcoholic. Me too. He doesn’t reveal this until the middle of the book, and I didn’t see it coming. His alcoholism is probably the greatest contributing factor to my reading the book all the way through, though it is only occasionally mentioned. His experience and struggles with sobriety were reaffirming for me. I will use his example and wisdom to continue to build my sobriety.

At page one, we find Nigel in the darkest days of his life: he has continuing issues in his family that are caused by him, his employer is closing the doors, he is overweight, getting too old to start over at anything (in some people’s minds,) and has an un-addressed drinking problem.

Marsh is apparently well-read, as he has sprinkled his book with quotes and concepts from all over the literary map. History, philosophy, science, theology, and general culture are all represented as he makes a point or draws a big picture. As an example, he quotes an idea from Steven Biddulph’s book Manhood where the argument is made that every man should be required to take his fortieth year off. This would force some reappraisals, rediscoveries, new discoveries, and perhaps change life for the better.

I love this idea. I have always loved the notion of the sabbatical. While I was growing up, I would hear of Priests and Teachers I knew taking a year-long sabbatical after ten years of work, and I have often fantasized about doing the same thing in my own career “someday”. Like many teachers and clergy, I would use that time primarily to further my education. I would also take a trip of a lifetime with the words “adventure” and “exotic” being the key concepts. And I would spend time developing a skill such as playing a musical instrument, painting, writing, or learning a language. Best of all, I would find as many opportunities as possible to include my family and friends in these activities to enrich the experience and the relationship.

Nigel gets laid-off and instead of job-hunting, he decides to take a year off to fix his personal life. He sells his large home and moves to a smaller one. He trims his expenditures and simplifies his life. He takes on responsibilities around the house that he had avoided, such as bathing the kids and taking them to school. He writes and draws. He admits to his alcoholism, quits for good, and attends AA. He learns a lot along the way, and makes it laugh-out-loud funny.

Another major connection I have to Nigel is his goal of a long swim, the Bondi-to-Bronte beach swim (akin to a nautical marathon) in Sydney, Australia where he lives. Nigel is not a strong swimmer or very experienced in the open sea, and as I mentioned before, he is waaaay out of shape. But he sets this goal and starts chipping away at it. At first he can barely swim the length of the pool, but he takes us through an inspiring story of tenacity and ignorance that pays off, but with an unexpected twist that I won’t spoil.

The connection is that I have set the goal of running a marathon this year. October 2008, the Waddell and Reed Kansas City Marathon. I have set the smaller goal of finishing a few 5k’s this summer. I was well on my way last November when I severely-sprained my ankle and was unable to train at all for a few months. Of course, there is the laziness, the overworked, the family-life, and the pain factors that have been excuses for a lack of training. As it stands, I can barely run 3 miles without stopping. But Nigel’s book has fueled my motivation and helped me visualize the attainment of my goal.

The most important tidbit that Nigel provided was how he would set out a running course, and he would walk when he couldn’t jog. He urged himself on by setting small goals along the way, such as, “Run from here to that tree, then walk.” I took away from that the revolutionary concept that it is okay to walk part of the course. In the Marine Corps, it was drilled into me that if I was going to walk instead of run, then I might as well hand over my undeserved male-genetalia and then find someplace to curl up and die. When you are 20 years-old, in fighting shape, and training for combat, that is probably true. When you are 34 with two kids, a stalled career, in the midst of a demanding Graduate program, and 50 pounds heavier than you were at 20 (some of that is additional muscle, right?) then it is okay to walk a little. The point is getting off my gluteus maximus and putting it in motion. After a few months of walk-jogs, Nigel was up to full runs like he used to do, and his body began to show results. I expect the same results. Walk-jog may be embarrassing and humbling, but it is better than sit-and-click (which always leads me to crunch-and-munch.),

Fat, Forty, and Fired is a raucously funny book. There are many times that I laughed out loud, and I rarely do that when I read even if the material is humorous. Marsh has that British humor that I love so much, though I can’t describe it well. He reminds me of Mil Millington, author of the internet classic “Things My Girlfriend and I have Argued About”. The book is not only funny, it is inspiring on many levels—for fathers, for professionals, for men in general, for husbands, for fatso’s, for alcoholics, and for workaholics. To top it all off, there is a payoff for the business community as well.

If I was qualified to make such a remark, I would say that this is one of the most important business books ever written. Nigel has been the CEO of two different agencies. His insight on how to cope with work and life is an important issue to address.

Of course, work/life balance does show up on a 10K report, and it doesn’t result in the kinds of lawsuit and publicity that ethics and security garner lately. Therefore, it is rarely addressed. However, were it to be prioritized and more successfully approached, we could all predict the profits and cost-savings that we would reap from the higher morale and reductions in turnover, burnouts, and health-problems. For instance, any temporary losses in productivity from allowing an employee to coach a team or attend a kindergarten musical would be dwarfed by the cost-savings in health-insurance premiums over the long-term if we assume that family neglect leads to self neglect, resulting in cardio-vascular deterioration over a short career.

Marsh quotes Biddulph as saying: “Our marriages fail, our kids hate us, we die of stress, and on the way out we destroy the world.” At first glance that may seem over-exaggerated, but I don’t think it is far off the mark. Surely, there is a better way to conduct capitalism. I think that Nigel Marsh points us in the right direction.

Marsh quotes Daniel Petra, former CEO of Microsoft in Australia, as reported in the Sydney Morning Herald regarding the life of a CEO: “They have no friends other than work; they have no relationship with their spouse; their kids don’t care about them; they have no hobbies. They lead very insular, single-dimension lives and they don’t have the courage to admit it.” I’ll bet you could apply that on some level to many other professionals. It certainly helps to define the standard of a professional lifestyle to avoid.

Very little of the book offers insight in how to conduct business, but the few paragraphs that apply are absolutely timely and important. The most important lesson that Nigel Marsh teaches us, from his experience as a CEO, is that his position carries with it some responsibility to his employees. All too often, a CEO is overwhelmed by the responsibility to shareholders, analysts, regulators, and the press. Little thought is given to what their roles as senior employee and leader means to the people who make the company work. Marsh offers that a CEO’s primary role is “providing meaning.” He elaborates by saying, “I believe a CEO’s primary responsibility is providing meaningful employment. That doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t have to make the numbers or make difficult decisions. It means he or she has to provide a point for the employees.”

Early in the book, he made a similar point when he said, “I don’t care what they teach you at business school; I view the primary role of any CEO as providing meaningful employment, not taking it away. Any idiot can cut costs; it’s building something valuable (in all senses of the word) that’s the real challenge.” (Added emphasis is mine.) I have long held this belief, and I am glad to see a business leader say it. Finally, there is evidence of intelligent life at the top.

The business guru Jim Collins in Good to Great used the analogy of an organization as a bus. If someone is in the wrong seat on that bus and not contributing, you may consider having that person switch seats on the bus, rather than throwing them off the bus. Of course, discipline problems and ethical issues need to be thrown off the bus. However, if the issue is competency or motivation, you may discover that the employee was forced into that seat and would gladly perk up or contribute more meaningfully from a different seat.

To couple this concept with Nigel’s statement, I think that CEO’s are just playing a numbers game through quarterly lay-offs that is more expensive over the long-term (and more damaging to our economy, which the CEO and shareholders depend on to make a profit.) Rather than a lay-off, a corporation would be better served to redeploy the unproductive employees into a new endeavor (move their seat on the bus.)

The stock price takes a hit in this case, due to the continued expenditure of salaries and benefits. However, those layoffs usually result in a large severance payment to each employee that doesn’t return any value to the stock price, and if your business grows again in the future (as your shareholders expect it to) then you will incur the expense of hiring similar people whom you laid-off previously. In case of two local companies I know personally, the same employee is often hired twice or more over the years by the same company. Perhaps my math is off, but if we could avoid the expense of severance and rehiring, and simultaneously gain some profit or research by redeploying them, wouldn’t we beat our competition while boosting our image, satisfaction, and contribution to GDP/GNP?

Thank you, Nigel Marsh, for a funny, inspiring, and wise book. I discovered it by accident and purchased it second-hand for $6, but it has become one of the most valuable books I own and is added to the short list of great books to re-read.

The Meaning of Life

I continue on my journey of spiritual discovery. By the way, that is what I am calling it now. It started with book browsing, and two books attracting my attention: Thank You Power by Deborah Norville and The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes. As I considered those books, I revisisted the book Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, which contains a similiar message to The Secret: that of using your mind to attract desirable things.

The result of these three books was twofold. First, I began to change my innner thought life by thinking less about the negative things that I experience or wish to avoid and thinking more about the positives I gratefully possess or that I desire. Secondly, I began to dig deeper into my heart to figure out what I really want and why I want it, as well as to find gratitude for the great life I have now. The side effect of these ideas were that I was happier, more peaceful, and more focused on my employer and family rather than on myself (which made me even happier, somehow.) I have pruned my life a little, which allows for new growth.

Somehow, in the midst of this "Journey of Spiritual Discovery" (when you read that title, it should have a dramatic echo to it) I stumbled on Rick Warren's name and his book The Purpose Driven Life. I am not sure where it popped up, but what stood out to me was the fact that he was talking about having a mission or purpose to your life, which would made my "Journey of Spiritual Discovery" a lot easier: journeys are easier if you know in which direction to set out. I was also intrigued by his ability to reach people like me who are not in church but also not opposed to church.

One of my Christmas gifts was a giftcard to my favorite store, Half Price Books. I used it to purchase two books, one of which was Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. For the last two mornings, I have read a chapter and contemplated the author's points. Day one taught me that the purpose of my life is about God, not about me. Day two taught me that God had a specific purpose in mind when he created me.

I am not saying I am accepting these lessons and nodding my head in obedience to Rick Warren or to God. Actually, if I was convinced that the God of the universe had specifically commmanded me, I would nod in obedience and spring into action. Therefore, the real challenge for Warren's book is to convince me that God has provided the meaning and purpose. And only God can do that, really. Eloquence is lost on me at this point in my "Journey of Spiritual Discovery" (still hearing the echo?); what I need is action from God that guides me to a conclusion. I cannot be steered by warm-fuzzies or well-crafted C.S. Lewis-like logic. I want results, actions, evidence, and undeniable truth that is as bullet-proof as mathematics.

If anyone knew what all I had seen, heard, done, and had done to me through Christian churches (of many denominations from Catholic to Pentecostal and several points in-between) they would question why I was willing to read Rick Warren's book at all. It isn't a horror story, but it isn't pretty either. The essence is that churches have demonstrated themselves to me to be a place of destructive power at least as often as they help people.

The thing is, I cannot say for a fact that there is no God. From that starting point, I like to think that if there is a God who created everything, then he has communicated with his creation in some way throughout history. Otherwise, the belief in a silent creator is pointless: why have a God who is there but is uninterested in how we live. I would rather believe that there is a Creator, that He had a purpose in mind when He created us, and that He has communicated that purpose to us in ways that we can accurately perceive and interpret individually.

With that creator in mind, I am lead to religion. I figure that if God has spoken in a way that we can accurately perceive and interpret, then people throughout history must have recorded their experiences and can point us in the proper direction. That is where my disillusionment begins. Even if you accept the bible as the word of God, you read a depressing history of people being unable to perceive and interpet the message of God, even in the face of undeniable miracles.

By the way, at the risk of being blasphemous, I feel the need to criticize biblical miracles right now. The biblical mioracles are a major sticking point in my lack of faith. Here is the thing: between 2000 and 4000 years ago, a miracle was a simple matter. If I had a time machine, I could take everyday objects from 2007 A.D. and perform miracles before the crowds that were unimpressed by Moses, Elijah, and Jesus. A lighter, flashlight, aspirin, penicillin, ballpoint pen and notebook paper, or even a mosquito net would be considered items that would change a society. I think God wasted some tremendous miracles on a people who would have been really impressed by the effects of flint, friction, and butane.

Nowadays, it takes more to impress us. We fly, touch the moon, circumnavigate the globe from the comfort of a laptop in a coffee shop, and accurately predict the unstoppable whims of nature. We have methods, theories, equations, scales, and equipment to not only detect the physical laws but to measure them, predict them, and observe their results at the sub-atomic level. If you could do one biblical miracle today and allow it to be tested by scientific theory, you would have a greater effect on the majority of people. Sure, some sceptics would remain. But the vast majority of people who I know, read, or observe would at least start paying attention; the world is ready for a proven miracle, is able to communicate its message worldwide at the speed of thought, and are more than willing to do some good.

Because we lack the unifying morality and values that the miracle could provide, selfishness runs rampant on our planet. It is spreading like wildfire. Old, traditional notions of devotion to family, religion, race, and/or nationality are fading away. This new, flattened world is all about the individual. All around the world, people are throwing off the yoke of belonging to something bigger than themselves. They are embracing the idea that they can have everthing they want, whenever they want it. There are good things to say about this trend, but I think it is mostly bad. Eliminating discrimantion based on gender, race, or ethinicity is good. Abandoning family and neglecting the people who need us (chidren, handicapped, and the elderly) is bad.

Our forefathers (white black, arab, asian, christian, buddhist, muslim...all forefathers, I mean) needed to have unity in their community in order to provide them with a community that kept them safe and provided for their needs while giving them an outlet for their own talent. Now that we have created a global community of more security and free trade, our need for belonging (and conforming) to a larger group is lessened. We seem to seek less miracles and more scientific discovery. We seek less tradition and rules which provide morality and ethics, and we seek more freedom to enjoy life and find out the truth for ourselves.

Even so, we are left adrift. Science and technology has been tremendously effective at improving our existence. However, they have failed to answer our fundamental question of "Why?" Instead, they distract us from the question.

Materialism causes us to pursue wealth and commodities. That pursuit can so consume us that we never stop to ask "why?" Some people amass a houseful of trinkits, collectables, and commodites and at the end of their pursuit they realize that they missed out on so many good things because they were consumed by their pursuit of stuff. They realize, too late, that the stuff was meaningless in the end.

Television, video games, mass-market papaerbacks, and a myriad other forms of entertainment distract us from the "Why" question. In fact, we may be distracted by a movie or book that makes us think we are pursuing the "Why", but we are being led in circles or to dead ends. Other times, we never are aware that the "Why" question exists. The technology magician keeps waving a hand over here and a handkerchief over there, directing our attention away from anything meaningful and producing that shallow, uncomprehending smile from us that he loves so much.

This planet has seen it all before. We don't even see the planes and helicopters in the sky anymore unless they are particularly loud; the ancients from the bible would have had a cartoon-like reaction to such a sight where their jaw hits the ground and their eyes pop out of their heads while an old car horn exclaims "ah-ooo-gah!" We have already imagined it all. We have seen the earth destroyed on TV so many times it bores us. We have seen into the lives of every historical character, rewritten history, and glimpsed the future.

Somhow, we are still easily impressed by triviality. When Paris Hilton burps or Britney Spears runs to the store for eggs, we send an army to film it. We spend millions of dollars to watch people throw and catch a ball, and then bet millions more on the outcome. We bring a multi-billion dollar industry to a screaming halt (and thousands of paying travelers along with it) and forget our political prejudices for a while when airplanes are flown into buldings. We have the ability to be impressed, and it wouldn't really take much--just don't give us the same old-same old.

If some guy showed up today and could demonstrate his inexplicable ability to heal, transform water into wine, or feed thousands with a fish and a loaf, he would be on "You Tube" in a heartbeat. You can actually videotape him walking on water with your cell-phone, immediately upload it to the web, and then start spreading the word. It would clog email servers worldwide within an hour. Scientists would show up and test the density of the water, weigh him, take air-quality samples, and make everyone pee in a specimin jar. Unless there was a known reason why he stood on top of water, science would have to concede that they couldn't explain it. That would distract most people from their meaningless lives. They would start to listen to what the guy said and would be convinced to take action on his message. If his message was as relevant as Jesus', and rang as true on as many levels, then that guy would get a religion named after him.

I cannot get the "Why" question out of my head. I would love to. I have always been willing to just fit into the societal mindset and quit trying to find deeper meaning. I suspect that I would be happier and more peaceful if I could just accept that life is absurd and meaningless, and catch up on all the celebrity gossip and NBA drama.

What keeps me from giving up the quest to find out "Why" is the suspicion that if I could answer the question at least partially or superficially, I would be much happier and more peaceful. In fact, I do have some answers to "Why", though they beg more questions. I am not drifting completely without meaning.

For instance, there is value in being happy. Not "I just finished chocolate cake" happy, but "I just made my daughter smile" happy or "I just accomplished a major goal" happy. Therefore, part of why we are here is to discover the things that produce the most joy and do more of them. Why should we make ourselves happy and why do certain things provide more joy than others? I don't have that answered comepletely yet, but it feels right; I have the impression that it is a truth as fundamental as 1+1=2.

On a personal, individual level, I have a very distinct purpose defined for me by the universe: raise my kids. Not just physically, not just intellectually, but to raise kids with esteem, ethics, morality, confidence, power, grace, humility, and direction. That purpose is temporary; when they become adults I will have a very limited role; I will need another purpose to occupy the rest of my life. It would be best of I have a larger purpose that encompasses my career, my child-rearing, and any other purpose for me. That larger purpose is hazy on the best of days for me, hence my "Journey of Spiritual Discovery".

I was very frustrated and stressed out a few years ago because I could not figure out what I was "supposed" to do with my life. That was based on a notion that I had been created by a specific God who had a specific purpose for me. I was frustrated because I could not determine what that purpose was. If I had been born with a natural ability to play piano, sing, or paint, then my purpose would be clearer. When a man finds himself standing at 7 feet tall, he is forced to consider a basketball career, so if that was me I would have had something to consider. If I had been born into an environment that directed me into a specific purpose, that would have clarified the question. If an Angel in all his shining glory appeared before me and declared my purpose, I would at least have something to go on.

I have nothing like that. I have no talents that stick out and define me. I am average in almost every way. My above-average qualities are more like character traits. My desire to do well, my ability to persevere, think larger than the problem at hand, and connect with people are all geared to many occupations. Basically, I am equipped to do anything I want to do and expect results consistent with my efforts. At the time, I did not see that as an asset and did not enjoy the freedom it implied.

At some point, I read the book What Should I Do With My Life by Po Bronson. My conclusion from that book (and I think it was the author's as well) is that we are free to choose our own purpose. Some people have their purpose defined for them, but in the end they remain free to choose that purpose in the same way that I do. The implication is that without a purpose being handed to me, I had more freedom than those with a clearly defined purpose, who I resented.

Bronson's book helped me release the resentment I felt about not being handed a purpose, and that was a huge weight lifted off me. I embraced the concept that I had been granted freedom to choose my purpose by whatever Gods may or may not be. However, it didn't help me find that purpose. I was free to choose, but choose what?

I have asked myself if I need to have a purpose. I have concluded that yes, I do. If you start a company without a purpose, how can you expect to make a profit? If you start a non-profit NGO without a purpose, you will not receive any donations, be recognized by the IRS, or accomplish anything. In fact, the question is raised: does a non-profit exist without donations, recognition, and accomplishment? I say no, it is nothing without those things at least.

Does a person exist without a purpose? My answer is no. Sure, you occupy space and leave progeny, but did you exist? My concept of existence is based on the fact that we are conscious. Apes take up space and leave progeny, but that is their purpose. They cannot hope for anything better than that.

We can do more than reproduce. Even though our eyes, ears, muscles, lungs, and skeletal structure are far inferior to most animals, we conquer our world through our existence. Our consciousness creates new ideas in how to gather food, build shelter, transport ourselves, fight, communicate, and even reproduce.

The word "create" is what brings me closer to answering the "Why" question. According to the Muslim, Jewish, and Christian traditions, the first thing that God did in our world is create. He created everything we know, ending with Eve (he saved the best for last.) Then, he told us and all the animals to go out and procreate.

For all the animals, birds, fish, bugs, trees, flowers, and the rest of life, that is all they can do. They create new life. They do so with little or no consciousness; I doubt there is much thought involved when a tree drops an acorn or a fish sprays an egg cluster.

We create with our mind and our actions. I created my children in my mind before I was in the same room with my wife. I began creating my children while I was still a child dreaming about what my future may hold. Not only that, but I created this blog. I can create works of art (though only my mother would hang them up proudly), I can think up ways to redirect water or move mounds of earth on a scale that no animal has ever approached. The creativity of the human mind is what makes us exist. We create more than just progeny, we create legacies.

Therefore, I think the larger purpose of life for humans is to create. To say it another way, our purpose is to be creative. We could just make babies, watch TV, and burp Budweiser for 77 years; however, would that be meaningful?

The thing is, many people consider the meaning of life for only a brief moment. They realize it is a hard question to answer; they decide that they can either accept someone else's answer (religion, state, family, company,or other authority) or they can ignore the question. I think that many people realize the fundamental truth that life should include as much happiness as possible, so they seek an easy way to make themselves happy. They find someone to make babies with, buy a TV and a comfortable couch, crack open a Bud, and burp their way to ignorant bliss.

I think they quit too soon and would find that their beer tasted better and TV would be more satisfying if they had a larger view of the answer to the question "Why?" Why are we here and what is the purpose of our life? What provides meaning to our life? Obviously, happiness has something to do with it. However, what is the point of happiness? Moreover, why is happiness so fleating, and why do so few people find it? You probably know a lot of people who say they are happiest on their couch with a remote in one hand and a bag of Doritos in the other, but their expressions and actions tell you how unhappy they really are.

Happiness merely points the way forward. It is the first step in the process of finding meaning, and it is a step that you return to often. I think the deeper meaning of life is creativity. Create something and you will have begun to define your purpose and meaning.

I am left with the question: create what? Create something that makes you happy. Of course, first you need to know what makes you happy. You need to seek deeper levels of happiness. Doritos and Budwiser may provide happiness, but they are low on the scale of potential happiness.

What is your potential happiness? Finding out how deeply you can experience happiness is a great journey in itself; I have found that there is always another layer. What I considered happiness at 20 years old is nothing compared to the deeper levels I am discovering as a father.

Heck, just getting sober expanded my scale of happiness. I am not here to say that alcohol blocks everyone's ability to experience happiness. I will say that you don't know if it is or isn't until you have spent 3 months sober.

However, I will concede that many people are affected by alcohol in the same way that I am by coffee--in other words, some people can achieve total hapiness and enjoy alcohol in the process. In light of that, is it possible that there is something else standing in your way of happiness? I didn't know how happy I could be until I let go of alcohol, some resentments, and some other negativities. I am finding new levels of happiness as I embrace new levels of gratitude and positive thinking. I have no idea how deeply happy I can be, but I aim to find out and remove every obstacle I encounter.

Since this blog is about me, I am going to focus on my purpose. I post this in the sincere hope that someone can read it and take a step towards finding their own purpose in life. I am sure this world would be a better place if more people were seeking some meaning. I am equally sure that people would seek meaning more often if there were more mysteries to our everyday world. Alas, we don't know how our stuff works, but we know it has something to do with oil or electricity, it was conceived by by a human, and most of it was made in China. We know that if we had to explain it, we could Google it or ask our 13-year-old neighbor to explain it.

Back to me: I have a sense on a fundamental level that 1+1 will always equal 2. That sense of a priori knowledge also leads me to believe that I should be happy, that I should do my best to raise my kids, that I should make the world a better place, and that I am meant to create. That is the meaning of my life, at least as far as I have defined it.

I have made the assumption that I can possess a priori knowledge, and that I can sense it. I have assumed that my senses and logic can be trusted in this regard, even though science has consistently demonstrated that our senses can be easily fooled and that our capacity for logic is often flawed and easily influenced. I am betting my life, or at least the meanining of my life, on these assumptions.

Do you have a better idea? Rick Warren thinks he does. He believes that God created each of us for His purpose. Warren bases this assertion on biblical passages, and expects that we will find out what God's purpose is for us by understanding the bible.

I am unconvinced that the bible is the word of God. I am unconvinced that there is a church anywhere in the world that Jesus would be proud of. I am unconvinced that Rick Warren has all the answers, either in his head or in his book. Finally, I am unconvinced that I can find all the answers in one place, book, man, or method.

Conversely, I am unconvinced that Albert Camus and his dreary Existential brothers were right about the absurdity of life. I am unconvinced by Bertrand Russell and other brilliant Atheists who teach that belief in God is illogical. To be succinct, I am fairly sure that there is a God and he had something in mind when he created this universe.

In the first two chapters of The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren has already provided me with an exercise that is good to run through occasionally. I am now considering my place in the universe, the quality of my life, and whether there is an even higher purpose that I can achieve. Even if God and Rick Warren are fake, the act of examing your concept of the universe and your place in it is beneficial.

This examination allows me to see things I would normally overlook. You know, you drive to work everyday past thousands of stationary objects, but I'll bet that you have only seem half of them, or less. You could drive down the same road everyday for 60 years and not realize that there was a tree at a certain spot until that tree falls on your car. So it is with so many things in your life.

My search for the Meaning of Life may never be resolved. I may reach my death bed and conclude it was all meaningless and absurd. I may change my answer several times, or I may be stuck with the same vague answer I have today for the duration. What I think is important to know is that the quest for meaning is more important than the final answer. By seeking to be meaningful, we are able to live a life that is more effective. We will have well-defined and tested values. We will know how to make ourselves happy and maintain that happiness regardless of our condition. We will prune the dead branches and nurture the fruitful ones. We will be left with pride and satisfaction, rather than regret and depression.

I hope that God did create a specific purpose for me, and that Rick Warren can help me discover that purpose. If not, I can take comfort in the fact that the journey is a fun ride, and that the freedom is mine to choose.