I Did It

My life is not going perfectly. Like everyone else, I have the daily struggles and challenges: sicknesses, time demands, financial demands, traffic, worthless local sports teams, etcetera. However, it is all just white noise against the background of my smile. I can't stop being happy. I am satisfied. I am motivated. I am elevated.

I finished my degree; I can now say I am a college graduate. I say that to myself often. Finishing my degree gives me a piece of paper that proves I am at the level where I belong. Without my degree, I felt like an impostor, a commoner who snuck his way into a royal event and everyone knew he didn't belong there. For ten years, I looked forward to the day where I could say I had a degree. I know, it doesn't actually mean a lot to anyone unless I am on a job interview. Even so, it is important to me, and it has bolstered my confidence and self-image.

Another problem I have had with my self-image is not having a certification. In the IT industry/telecommunications industry, numerous companies offer a test that, once passed, certifies your skills in a specific area. In 2000, I was first introduced to the Cisco Certified Network Associate exam. My team sat through a one week course and then took the exam. We all failed; I came within a few point of passing and should have stayed with it. Most of the guys shrugged and went on with their life. A few continued to study and later passed it. I wanted to complete it, but I had life to contend with.

If you want something bad enough, you go for it. I had a pregnant wife, and I was facing my first thoughts of fatherhood in 2000. I also was working on my degree, and wanted that more. Looming over all of this was my alcoholism, which would make a strong showing in 2000. So, I say I wanted my CCNA but I admit I didn't want it bad enough.

Even with life throwing curve balls and all the changes I have experienced since 2000, I never shook off the desire for the CCNA. I studied for it on and off over the years, but there was always something else going on to distract me. I even took it again in 2005--they had updated the exam for new technologies and made it more challenging. Again, I missed it by a few points.

In 2003 I accepted a position with my current employer. Soon after that, the company began to encourage all Field Engineers to earn their CCNA. Two of my bosses earned their certificate. Several co-workers earned theirs. I studied on and off, but there was always something else to throw me off.

In September of this year, I was a free man. I had the college degree I had always wanted. I was now able to focus on my CCNA. I chose to take an accelerated course at the local community college to help me along. When it ended in mid-October, I was free to focus daily on my existing weaknesses. I could taste the certification; I was finally to a point where I could accept nothing less.

Of course, being free of alcohol was a big boost this time. Now that I am a seasoned father and husband, I had a better conception of balancing work, family, and study. Treating my ADD has been a tremendous boost.

However, the difference maker was my attitude. I wanted my CCNA, I knew I could pass the test, I knew how to get there, and I would not accept anything less. I was going to spend every penny I could earn or borrow and I would spend every second I could until that certification was mine.

You can either take one 65 question test that covers all of the material or two smaller tests that break it up. At first, I thought that the two exam option was the way to go. As I mentioned in my previous post, I passed the first of the two. The following Monday, I failed the second one (by only a few points, as always.)

Cisco will not allow you to take the same exam more than once in a five day period. I came so close and felt so good when I failed on Monday that I told people I "smelled blood in the water." Therefore, I decided to take a chance on the one big exam, rather than wait five days to take the second-half exam again. So the night that I failed, I went home and signed up online for a Tuesday morning exam of the one-test CCNA exam option. I studied that night some more, brushed up a little in the morning, and headed on to the exam location.

The large exam was hard, hard, hard. I knew I screwed one or two questions early on. The exam was so hard, I could never get that dominant, confident feeling that I had when I passed the first-half exam.

The exam is all on a computer, and it scores your exam immediately after you finish. You click "next" through all the questions and when you get to the last question, there are two clicks to get to the pass/fail screen. Those two clicks take forever (in my mind) and are one of those dramatic moments that slow your heart and make your clicking finger heavy.

As it turned out, I passed. I did well, in fact. All my negative feelings were for naught. I walked out of the testing site without touching the ground.

It is amazing how it changed me on the inside. I am now untouchable. I have gained confidence about my future. I know that no matter what else goes on, my career is onward and upward from here.

Moreover, I unexpectedly lost a dependency on my job that I didn't know I had. I have held the title of Engineer for six years now and have ten years in the industry, I have a decent list of skills and experiences, and I have a network of friends and colleagues that has helped me out in the past. I have been laid off three times and always landed on my feet with another great job.

I now realize that I had this underlying dependency on my current job. I had a feeling that I needed it, that without this job I would have a chasm in my life. I have always known that this is just a temporary stop, and that my goal is much higher and broader than where I am now, but there was this unexplainable dependency in me that was lifted last week.

I attained my CCNA on October 30th. Since then, I have a new feeling. I feel free. I can study anything I am curious about without feeling like I am being distracted from something more important. I can set new goals, and set them higher than before. Most of all, I can leave this job. I don't have any immediate plans, and there is not a compelling reason for me to leave. I just have this new feeling that I can if I want to.

Janis Joplin sang that freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. I wish she could have know the freedom that I feel now. It has nothing to do with losing. It is more like I have been climbing a mountain for a long time, and now I am at the summit, free to look around, rest, or set my sights on new mountains. Now that I know the feeling at the summit, I want to climb another mountain.

One Down, One To Go

On Sunday night, I did not study as much as I wanted to and did not get in bed as early as I wanted to because some guests stopped by. Normally this is not a big deal; however, I had scheduled myself to sit for a Cisco Certification test on Monday morning. So I was already off to a bad start.

I woke up Monday morning early and began some last minute studying. I felt great. Unfortunately, I turned on the wrong stove burner and began to melt a plastic salt shaker. When I tried to take the salt shaker off the burner, the bottom melted off and salt went everywhere.

So here I am vacuuming my kitchen at 6:15 a.m. on a Monday morning, two hours away from taking a major test (which costs $150 whether I pass or fail). And while I vacuumed, I did my best not to let this event affect my mood. My brain wanted to say that this was a bad omen, but I wouldn't hear it. I had to pass.

When I let the dogs out, I realized that it would be cold, gray, and rainy all day. Of course it would; why wouldn't it be my least favorite type of weather on such an important day, right? I almost started to believe that there was a divine conspiracy against me, but I am too rational for that. Ahem.

It is 7:30 am: The test starts in 1 hour, but I need to leave in 20 minutes. I am shaved, showered, cologned, creamed--this test is turning me into a metro-sexual this morning. My strategy is to look good and feel good. Therefore, I add a tie to my ensemble for Monday. Ties are rare on me, but today I want to feel professional and intelligent. Man, do I feel good. Nothing can stop me now.

It is 7:45 am and I am ready to go. I am dressed and looking great. I have my coat, my paperwork, my laptop bag, my wallet...I cannot find my keys. Now, this is something that has happened many times in my house: me looking for my car keys. However, it hasn't happened in a long time. Since I began treating my ADD, I have tended to lose items less often; I am more organized and efficient now.

Now it is 7:55 am. I should be driving through rain and traffic to get to my $150 test, but I have the whole family crawling around the house trying to figure out what stupid place I chose to lose my keys on. I am trying not to panic. I am trying not to snap at the ones whom I love. I am close to cursing God. I am on the verge of an stroke. I finally find my keys on my workbench in the garage. I sorta remember putting them there, but I can not remember why.

No, I'm not making this up. This all happened yesterday.

So now I am driving through rain and traffic in a hurry for my test; you know, the one that costs $150 and affects my career. I almost rear-end someone. Someone else is driving at 20 mph in a 35 mph zone....grrrr!

I get to the testing center, find the restroom, find the sign-in desk, and get seated at the testing computer. I am ready. My head is screwed on straight and all systems are "go". The first question (out of 42) is the most complex question I have ever faced. In one question, I have to chose several network elements, select proper cabling, deduce an addressing scheme based on known parameters, and then configure several devices based on what I know of the rest of the network. I need to do math, order my steps, try not to miss anything, and save my work on each device. Holy shnikes!

I know how to do everything in this question, but the math does not come easy for me and I have this nagging feeling that I am going to forget something. The test is timed, and I take a long time to answer this one. I am concerned that the rest of the test is going to be like this: harder than I was prepared for.

I finish number one and click next. The second question is a softball. I knock it over the fence and click next. Most of the test is a softball. There are two more complex questions that eat up time and heat up my brain, but most of the test is exactly what I was prepared for.

After I answer question # 42, I find that there isn't a "Next" button. There is only a button to "End Exam". I am surprised to be finished; I thought I was taking too long and here I am with 30 minutes left on the clock and I am done.

Clicking the "End Exam" button is the moment of truth; you find out immediately if you passed or not. I have been here twice before; both times I clicked the button and found out I missed the passing score my only a few points. This time, I have a Pavlovian-learned fear about clicking the button. Even so, I did my best and I feel good about my performance. I can't go back, so I click "End Exam".

I passed. I beat the odds, subverted the conspiracy, kept my wits, checked my negativity, and I passed. Damn it felt good.

That is one of two exams I need to pass for the CCNA designation. I will probably schedule the second exam for next Monday, unless something comes up. It just feels great to be halfway there, now.

A New Blog

Now that I am finished with my Undergraduate studies, I have four areas of focus:

1. The family, as always.
2. My Self: to improve my health and wealth.
3. Organization of work and home: this consumes as much time as possible until it is attained because it touches every aspect of my life.
4. Cisco Certified Network Associate; the coveted CCNA. This is a certification in my field that will improve my current and future employability/promotability. It has been a goal for seven years; I have attempted it twice. I will pass it this year, preferably by the end of September 2007.

The CCNA is a "must-have" if I wish to remain in my industry. It should have been attained a long time ago; I should be pursuing higher certifications now; this lack of certification has cost me jobs, promotions, and who knows what else; this certification will have a profound effect on my future.

Organizing my life is my primary focus. Everything else is sacrificed until I have attained my organization goals. However, I have a secondary focus for borrowed and free time: my CCNA. Soon, organization will consume less time and I can focus all my resources on the CCNA.

If I can finish my degree, my CCNA, and get a handle on my organization in 2007, what can I accomplish in 2008? I will need to learn to dream bigger, I think.

In order to focus on my CCNA, I am taking a class at the local community college. I do not think it will be enough to pass the exam, though. I need a deeper method of study. I have many options available to me, including books, software, websites, tutors, and lab practice. I think that by developing a networking blog I will create my own valuable resource, in addition to my other study methods. I learn more when I write, and when I try to teach my knowledge to other people.

Therefore, today I have created a networking blog: http://slobonetworks.blogspot.com/ If this blog you are currently reading ever hits a dry spell in the near future, it is probably because I am focusing on that blog. Perceptions of Reality will always be my first love and my primary blog. I will always return to this blog because it serves such a useful purpose in my life. In addition, I can never keep quiet when it comes to society and current events. However, it may have to take a backseat occasionally as I focus like a laser on my CCNA.

I leave today's post with a great quote from a great author:

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's yourself." -Aldous Huxley