I am a registered Republican, but I can no longer explain why except that I do not have time to change my party affiliation with the county election commissioner. The registration has never been a help or hindrance, and I doubt that it is a blip in the data. But personally, it means something. The is strength and safety in numbers, and I want to support like-minded people to make this nation great.

There was a time just a few years ago when I taught my children that Democrats are bad people, and carried 10 Conservative talking points in my back pocket. Now I find myself on the fence but leaning a little to the left. In 2008, I had to explain that not all Democrats are bad, and that Republicans in 2008 are dishonest. Now, in 2012, I still am shocked at how dishonest my Republicans had become, and how they fight to seize the low ground every time.

During Clinton's administration, I was convinced that Democrats always claimed the low ground and Republicans possessed the intellectually-honest argument. As it turns out, Kenneth Starr's "independent" investigation was a distraction from the fact that Bill Clinton was reducing welfare roles, reducing regulations, reducing government, balancing the budget, and increasing good will among our allies.

I still own numerous well-worn books by Limbaugh, Coulter, and other Conservatives. I held several jobs where I could listen to talk-radio during the peak hours (Limbaugh, Hannity, Beck, etc.) I received A's in history and political science for my Bachelor's and have completed my MBA, which should almost provide Conservative credentials by default.

I elected G.W. Bush because of his "compassionate Conservatism" which I interpreted to mean a balance between self-reliance and the fact that some people cannot sustain themselves no matter what. At the time, I welcomed a war in Iraq (and was still on reserve duty, so I was willing to go myself.) In 2004, I was a rabid Bush supporter and was willing to fist-fight you over my convictions.

By 2007, I had realized that the economy was tanking while Republicans tried to convince us that nothing was wrong. I realized that the national debt was trending ever upwards and that the war was being executed without a solid strategy while my civil rights were being eroded. I suddenly realized that the only thing that could be considered "Conservative" about the Bush administration was the protections of the wealthy, but that was coming at the expense of the middle class, which was very un-Goldwater.

I read both of Obama's books, as well as many other non-Conservative sources and realized I had missed out on a whole spider-web of intelligent discussion that is not as entertaining as Limbaugh and Coulter, but that is only because their aim is intellectual honesty rather than entertainment.

I find I still believe that people should pull themselves up by their bootstraps and be allowed to fail--but that also applies to corporations as well. Republicans under Bush are quick to throw out cash to large businesses that struggle due to their own incompetence (airlines, auto manufacturers, AIG, etc...) but do not see the value in saving small businesses and middle class families from destruction. You don't need an MBA to see that small businesses and middle-class families are what supplies the growth in any bull market. If Republicans are willing to ignore that, and ignore that rising gas prices are going to affect the cost of goods across the economy which will threaten the solvency of families and small businesses, which will mean a lower consumer confidence index and a higher unemployment rate, which will feed a bear market or worse, which will lower big-ticket purchasing, which will lead to layoffs, which lowers consumer spending, which leads to layoffs, ... If you cannot see that, then you should not be in office. If you can see that and try to pretend like everything is okay, then I have to start considering conspiracy theories.

Why is it that McCain was always respected for being a moderate who reaches across the aisle, but as a presidential Candidate he sold himself as a staunch Conservative--but made the Republicans add Global Warming to their platform? I have read several of McCain's books and loved the man who wrote them. I would have voted for that guy, but instead we got this dishonest Manchurian candidate with an even scarier version chosen for VP. All I could do at that point was vote for Obama or move to Russia. The Republican party was unre ognizable to me.

And now in 2012 I continue to question the sanity of the GOP. Mitt Romney is another moderate--he was almost a Liberal Republican as Governor in the tradition of the Rockefellers. But with many viable Conservative candidates available, the Republicans choose Mitt. Actually, I'm okay with that and could probably vote for him if he was honest. But instead he is pandering to the Conservatives, and they are pretending that he is some kind of a second coming of Reagan (who was not very Conservative himself.)

Let's just be honest. If you follow the teachings of Jesus, whether you are a Mormon, a Baptist, a Catholic, or other, you have to admit that the teachings take a harsh stand against seeking wealth and in favor of giving to the poor and unfortunate. I have read the whole bible several times through and spent a lot of free time in the Gospels. I am confident that Jesus, given the choice between a Wall Street tycoon and a bunch of welfare recipients, would head straight to the ghetto to see how he could help them out. Sure, he would find a few who are overly lazy and would admonish them. But he would find the vast majority of them to be unnecessarily repressed do to lack of health insurance, lack of mental capacity, lack of opportunity, etc. He would have his hands full just curing simple ailments and feeding malnourished people. I am willing to bet he would point out that these cases do not require divine intervention but merely the slightest effort by a few tycoons--or the Government.

Let's be a little more honest: the more devoted an American is to their Evangelical/Protestant Christian beliefs, the more likely it is that they are rabidly opposed to Obama and outspoken in their support of Romney. How is this even possible? Romney believes that Jesus has already returned to Earth--right here in America. Romney believes that Mormons are the only ones going to heaven, and that his special Mormon underwear makes him a holier person. He believes in a religion that has been known for mass murder, polygamy, and many other sordid crimes in recent history. You have to go a few hundred years back for similar crimes of the Protestant church. Romney's religious beliefs are so far beyond those of mainstream Christians that they cannot worship together, and Christians label Mormon's as a cult. It is considered annoying if a Baptist leaves and goes to a Methodist church. But if a Baptist or Methodist were to leave for the Mormon church, it would be considered a major tragedy for that person--worthy of an intervention by family and church leaders. I have seen this with my own eyes, and it tore a good family apart. All of that is to say that if our relationship with Jesus as an Evangelical Christian has a strong influence on our political convictions, then why does it drive us to the cult-member rather than the Evangelical Christian.

Which leads me to the funniest/saddest part of the anti-Obama movement. And that's what they are: anti-Obama instead of pro-something better than Obama. They seem to hate Obama without any real reason and without a viable alternative. The funny/sad part is that there are still people who believe that Obama is a Muslim and a closet-terrorist. Even after four years of non-terrorist and non-Muslim activity from him. Even after he gives the order to kill bin Laden. Even after he has been photographed eating pork, and drinking beer with a Medal of Honor Marine-two things a Muslim would never do. We still have people forwarding photoshopped pictures and posting easily debunked lies about Obama being a devoted Muslim, about him holding his left hand over his heart during the pledge of allegiance, about him filling his cabinet with criminals and communists, etc. The lack of critical thinking on the right is pushing me to the left more and more.

So I'm off the fence. Regardless of what my voter card says, I am not a Republican. But I hesitate to call myself a Democrat. I still have an ethical issue with Abortion. I still support the 2nd Amendment. I still think that Unions are not the best answer in a Capitalist society. I still believe that Welfare should be a last resort, and that military strength is good for our nation. But I also believe that a social safety net is good for the economy, and that alternative energy is better for our economy than oil, coal, and gas. I believe individuals should stand on their own whenever possible, and I believe the same is true of corporations.

I can't be the only one who sees the value in Obamacare and insists more people pay their fair share? I can't be the only one who sees that not everybody can start their own business because of their talents, and because the cost of entry is too great in most industries. I can't be the only one who sees that some single mothers could not have prevented their situation and that our society would be better served by subsidizing them rather than expecting them to leave their kids with a stranger and work three jobs just to make ends meet.